Needed

Jesse my dearest...I need your number...its amidst the chaos of my room and house...I want to chat sooooooo bad! How was Sam and RC? How was Christmas? How is Duds doing with the other cats? What has Josh been doing? Well, how are you! I love and miss you sooooooo much!

Polar Express

I took Ethan to see the Polar Express yesterday - it was so fun! I'll admit I was watvhing his face and reaction more than the movie. He was sooo cute! He was all like its Santa - yeahhhh! It was precious! i LOVED IT SOOO MUCH! i found a gift card one of my anuts had given me last Christmas so we went to Target and picked out a present for his mom - he was soo funny! I think mommy wants a hotwheels, I think mommy wants a spongebob movie - the goal was to find an angel but we settled for some jelwery he picked out. I then started getting pretty sick and went home. I got online an d my rommate was there----yeahhhhh!!! it made my day and Jake was online too!!!!! It was so wonderful to chat with the megster - she's pretty much the greatest persdon I know - runs a close second to Jesse (who will forever be first inmy heart) I finally started to think about people I have left behind - it was a sad moment. Ohh I'm going to New Years in Indy!!!! My mom and Kelly oked it!!!! It will rock! Hmmm what ti wear! Ohhh so I just took cold meds and boy are they kicking in! Ohh so I read through my blog and realized I don't really talk about God anymore and it made mne sad. Thats for another blog when I'm not hazy from the meds - so tired and stuffy - just call me snuffaolougus!

Nothingness

So basically not much has been goin one here..watchin babies...feeding babies...playing with babies...saying no no no no to babies...atempting to feed babies...nothing really. Brayden is such a chunk my back hurts from picking him up...I have to stop and think about proper lifting techniques. I'm getting old I guess. Tommorrow I'm taking Ethan to go see the polar express - should be fun! I'm getting the twins cold - felt like crud most of the day! My mom cried durring dinner - got all emotional about me moving-I'll admidt I almost cried too...don't know why I hold back but I do. Brian and I actually chatted tonight - I think it was our first real one in over a year-sad to say that thats the kind of relationship I have with my brother. My mom found this note in Kristen's folder from one of her friends - its all crass and talks about sex but uses the f word instead - kinda shocked! I'm goin talk to her about it over this weekend. I mean I joke about sex and my lack there of...but as a 15 year-old to be complaining that she has fd someone or had a good fk worries me...I just worry about Kristen...she's so cut off from all of us and relys so heavily on her friends for support...my mom's not been here for her and my bro and sis haven't been sober since they were like 12....and I've had college 8 hours away. I just know she is smarter than the crap that she's been getting into - is there even a way to make a person see that. Things that make one go hmmm. On the funny baby note Izzy is the gassiest baby I've ever seen! She knows no shame and lets it out loud and proud! You can telll she's a Huckaby thats for sure - makes one so proud! We are putting up Christmas stuff today - I will admit I'm all like whats the point! I'm sooo dreading Christmas Eve with the Graslaubs...ahh my mom's side! The Aunt thats over critical and her silnet husband, The rednecked uncle and his 80s queen, the recend divorcee uncle and his new girlfriend, and my mom and and her potty mouthed boyfriend...ohh the joys of family! Its never a dull time thats for sure! The annual farting contest and racial slurrs make the yule time gay! Then the family goes to the casino for added family fun! (I have in previous years opted for babysitting due to my "Strict" adherience to JBC rules/policies..but this year I'll have to find a new excuse!)

Momma Corey

So until Tuesday I am the keeper of the twins and Ethan. Ok so I love kids but I don't know how much mor eof this I can take. Ethan is running around the house and needs attention. Izzy is sick and has a fever and wants to be held...Brayden is eating the cat food in the kitchen..ahhh...there are two bright spots in my day - the 10am nap and the 3pm nap..I get two hours of peace and able to pick up the tornado that they cause. I really love them...Izzy today crawled up to me - looked at me and started to flap her arms - signaling to pick her up. SHe cried when my mom tried to take her from me. She fell asleep in my arms - I personally think that there is no greater feeling in the world than a baby asleep in your arms. It fills me with this sense of peace and awe...and this feeling of this is what its all about. Brayden and I are notbonding at all - which is wierd - kids tend to love me! Ethan is well my lil buddy. I took him to church with me and my mom stayed home with Izzy and Brayden (their colds are getting worse). He was so excited to go to church- he wanted to play with kids. I picked him up and he had such a good time. I want him to see church as a happy place. It bothers me that I'm not going to be here to share Christ with him as he grows so I'm trying to leave seeds where I can. Anyway he was a complete sweetheart at church and fell asleep while I was carrying him - poor kid I had to put him down -he's a big three yearold and was hurting my back. He just needs so much attention because my sister really doesn't give him any - but what can I do other than be a temporary ease to a potiential life long problem. It makes me mad to think about the three beautiful children my sister has been blessed with and doesn't take care of. Sure she loves them and loves being loved by them but I don't know if thats enough to be honest. She would rather spend money on herslef than on them. Don't get me wrong I love my sister and all and she's had a tough life - but one can only blame the past for so long - we're not kids being abused and neglected anymore. I really can't complain too much becasue I have my own plank in my eye thats for sure. Well, I best get some sleep - 7am will come before I even know it...so much for a break.

Home sweet home

So I'm finally done - freedom is sweet! How many JBC rules have broken...hmmm...ok only one - I danced in theparking lot right as I was pulling away - I did my circle turn pump pump move! It was glorious! ok, so my last blogs were all...I'm so sad and depressed over a guy...sorry about that - found out why! I started as I was taking my systematic final - aghhhh! But now I'm slightly less physico! ok so my last week ..hmm...I worked at this bookware house - I gots tons of books - I like books they make me happy! I of course waited till the last minute to pack - thanks megs for helping out! Then I started the long process of goodbyes - which I royally suck at...I'm not a crier..but I know I need to cry - the tears won't come and I know they do...pity the person thats there for it! man so I miss people already -It rips my heart out - wait I feel tears - ahh man nothing- I need to cry! ahhhh! so I was visually raped by a trucker on the way home - he did the whole tongue gross thing to me-why? I was at first liek whats with that man's face then it clicked(I'ma slow one) and then I screamed and hit the gas! it was scary adn violating! I went through my first blasting zone - it was a bad one! I stayed at Jesse's southern plantion!It was awesome- my room was fantistic! Igot tee Ocean's 12 - itw as good - I was just so tired! It was goos seeing jesse and Josh - how I love them! then I got home around 3:30ish on friday afternoon! spend some time with the twins (Izzy and Brayden) then went to kelly's for film festial time - I fell asleep at 11:30 - man I wimped out! I spent the day juggling the three kids - I mutli tasked like no one's buiness! I was super corey! I really really enjoy my time with the kids it just hard cause the don't know me! so now here I am at 10pm on a sat night - the kids are in bed...time to curl up with a good book! Can life get any better I submit it can not! ohh and I baked chocolate cookies - I pretty much rock! applications to date me or be my friend (always a best friend never a girlfriend) are on megan blog!

Jammed to this lil number today

So much for my happy ending oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'In a city so dead
Held up so high On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult But so are they
But they don't know me Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I Know

So its been a busy few days...It's been a good few days. My church has decided to totally support me - which is nice - i can't believe I'm at full support - it amazes me! I've been having such great roommate time - its going to be so hard to leave her! How can one person be so amazing - for real! Can life get any better -I submit it can not! So I did a ministry on Sat night from 11-3am called Lost Sheep where I served hot dogs to clubbers in the Old City. My Roommie and I were there togther which was fun for us. I get into this mode there - Like girl next store wholesome cuteness mode - ask her she understands...well there was this one guy I talked to - he was so hott! He ended up coming back to see me 3 times! I'm not used to that - I tend to like guys that never like me in that way - so when actually hits on me I am a)scared b)clueless c)still liking that guy that never will see how wonderful I am! Megan was like nooo why does she get the hot guy!!! I was like ohh godd you noticed that too - I was confused - it made me blush - I had no idea what to do! Church on Sunday was really good - I was tired and felt rushed. I ended up crying durring ohh come all ye faithful - I can't believe I'm done at the CSF - It makes mt heart hurt! They raised like 500 dollars for me - which is amazing and takes my breath away! I really love them all - so very much. I really don't want to leave them...it makes me cry everytime I think about it (like now) So yeah I get home and walk in the door and see my roommate and just cry --Let it all out --- felt good! She's so great! I took a nap I was too tired and emotional! I then went to Jondras for the evening - I really love her so very much. She was so cute and we just talked and prayed all might - it was good for us! I came home and made a run to Wendy's with Megan - ohh how I lobe her! I woke up and went to get lyrics for this song and got 57 viruses on my computer - which sucked hardcore. I only wrote 2 pages all day on my paper which is due in the afternoon. I then got ready - way too long for this "you look nice" I looked freakin hot! I must say! The banquet was good - best one I've been to. Steven and I went out for coffee afterwards - so that was fun. So here is one of those time in a blog when one gets really personal just becasue well ...I need to express it. I think only like 2 people actually read this and well I've already told them so no biggie - whoever else reads this - well this is how feel and well deal. So I told him I like him - took major balls on my half might I add - there is a reason girls don't do that! All he said back was I know. I KNOW!! what is that - I know! no closeure at all with that one! At least with AJ he was out front honest - I don't like you and never have! I'm not mad! I'm just confused - I know he must not like me- I just don't want his pity! I mean I know I'm not the picture perfect girl -I'm a lil fat and have lots of sass! You know I know already! I know I 've never had a boyfriend - heck I've never had a guy even say he likes me - ever! I know these things! You want to know what - I want to know - I want to know I want to know for how long has he known? I want to know why call me and talk for hours? I want to know what he thinks of me - am I an obsessive idiot or a dear friend or a silly mislead girl? I want to know that! I want to know why I can't cry when I want to about this! I want to know why yet again I'm not good enough and why? I'm not mad at him - I'm really not! I just want more than I know! Do I know and I have felt something too? I'm a girl I'm going to overanylze a statement like I know! well...what else can I say - yet again I'm the dumber for having liked and cared for a guy who - well by saying "I know" and nothing else doesn't like me back. Its not the pity I want - can I say that again - I don't have extremely low self eesteem - don't think that - it just times like this that knock a dent into me! I want to say I won't do it again - I won't care - I won't give - I'll guard myself better - but we all know I'd be lying - don't we! Ughh well I'm just goin stop - I can't spend anymore time on this - its a) not worth it adn b) I have too much to do!

Ohh how I love roommate

So I was driving home tonight from work blasting some great ghetto songs - I so love Usher - man that guy can sing...and the duet with Alicia Keys - so wonderful!!! Ohh I like to belt it out like a black diva -- my true self comes out - good thing I'm alone - its scary and bad and yet soooo fun. So yeah work called me in and I was like heck yeah I'll be in!!! So yeah got nothing done again today. Spent the morning with Jondra - man she is wonderful - the Brewers crack me up! I'm so glad I can hang out at my professors house and that my advisor's wife (Jondra) is so awesome! I'm puppy sitting for them tommorrow -a beautiful yellow lab - Jasmine! It was love at first sight! It sucks I can't get any animals til I know what my future holds. I want one - ok 2- a cat and dog! So yeah so I was driving back and I was singing...when I was singing along with Usher's burn and for some wierd way it triggered a long trail of thought that ended with my wonderful roommate, Megan. Oh when will she return to me - she is enjoying beautiful sunny Florida. I'm here in rainy and cold Tennessee. I miss her!!!! Funny how you start to want to tell a person something and then remember theya ren't there to tell. So its 4 more days till she returns - yeah yeah! I can do this! I'm going to Thanksgiving with Sam and Kathy Darden my campus minister ahd family - should be great southern food. The only bad thing about not going eating with the fam is comfaring it to mom's food. I swear I will not compare tommorrow - just relax and enjoy! Ohhhh on the plus so all this alone time has me and God time at an al time good - I get excited to talk to him. Man this fridge in this apartment makes scary noises. It just made one adn I jumped - I'm naturally a scardy cat - I just act brave! Happy Thansgiving. I'm tying to be grateful for all the many blessings I have been given!

The good the bad and the ugly

So I really don't know why I've titled it this but it seems to fit my holiday so far. The good is that I've had some awesome time with Jesse and Josh. The bad is that everytime we hang out I keep thinking man in 4 weeks this is goin end and I'm moving away - how will I live without them! Don't wanna -ehnnnn (whinie voice) The ugly is well just how totally bored I am ...I've got plenty to do - so many assignments and what not but I'm so unmodivated to do them. I did get to talk to my mentor Ginny today, good convo! I found out my church isvoting on December 1st ---a week away and I know how much support I need! My bestfriend is throwing me an apartment party ---yeahhh apartment stuff! So excited to have an apartment - goin be soo cute and comfy. I've painted a few pictures this semester for it! The only bad thing is that I paint when I'm upset so its like here's the painting when blah blah blah happened. Uhmm so yeah I also realized I can never live alone- this apartment thing is killing me this week! It could also be that no on eis here but still....I hate this. I decided that if I am an old maid I'm so getting a cat --yess I'll be the scary old single cat lady ---dare to dream!!! perrrrfect. uhmm so yeah, I'm 3 credits short for graduation - so I'm looking for a corespondence class to take - ughhh wanted to be done. So on a more serious note... on saturday night some wierd stuff went down in Hannah's apartment. Some serious spiritual warefare - I'll admidt I got the heck out of Dodge! I went and spent the night at Jesse's. She's such a good friend - she had a bed all ready for me and we were able to talk and pray through it. Man it sucked and I just wish that kind of stuff didn't happen to me...but it does and I just have to deal. Other than that I got some bad news AJ's grandpa is dying of cancer - thats all I know! Man you know those times you just want to be there for someone and just hug them and sit with them - I feel like that for him! I can only image how he is feeling at the moment! So thats about it here - ohh so I saw teh movie envy with Ben Stiller and Jack Black - not so great! The music totally sucked and was hardcore annoying! I'm actually wishing Heather was here right now! I called her tonight in Auckland but alas she wasn't home - so sad!

Missy the Birthday Queen! 

Murphy and Me getting cheesy! 

Chillin with Murphy (I love that girl) and Hannah - or Hanniah as I like to call her! 

Hannah and I at Missy's bday party 

Hannah's Bday Cake - it was dyed red on the inside - my idea but Hannah's creation! 

Slipping

So last night I slept like crap! I feel bad becasue my blog has become moan fest! I don't know why I'm so pissy at the moment - I should be pmsing for like another week. Well things with Kristen are well kind of better - she's going to live with my mom. So thats better...then this morning I get a call from my mom right before chapel...my older sister, Shari, 24...has been digainosed with Thyroid cancer that has wrapped itself around her vocal cords. Yeah, so I'm honestly kind of numb at the moment. I just really don't know what to do - I've prayed a lot...She's got 3 kids and is a single mom. I know this sounds wrong but why does all of this happen to my family - is it that I'm more vocal about it? I guess I'm kind of angry at God - yet not angry - I don't know. I did on the brighter side finished my budget!!! Its about 450 over what I wanted it to be...sucky! But its done - I feel like a budget guru now!!! Now if I can stick to it!!!!! Its hard to change your spending habits! I still can't beleive I'm almost done...kinda scared. I mean FL is like my life for 2 years and is my job. I pray I can do this. I guess I feel kinda beat up at the moment - I don't know why..I'm praying more and spending more time with God...I don't even know how to explain it...even last night something way creepy happened to me. I was laying in bed - I will admidt it was the first night in a while I had not prayed and all the sudden I felt this hand on my shoulder and pulled my blanket tighter around my side.....wierd...I froze..blankets don't just move...presure just doesn't happen!!!! So I then prayed and prayed and prayed...have no idea what it was or anything all I know is this ...fear does not come from God and that God is love and that love drives fear away... It was not a good loving touch! It was a cold firm ...hey I'm here what are you goin do kind of move. Told my roommate and she handled it better...we're goin pray tonight.

Steven post tattoo...but well lets just say he's special!  

Tattooing Steven...it wasn't as painful as he makes it to look! 

Jesse and Me at the UT vs Notre Dame Game...there was over 100,000 people there - crazy! 

I'm not dead I swear

Hi, so its been awhile - no this blog is not dead - its alive and well. You know when your like ohh I'll update tommorrow - well I've been saying that for like the past month. So my past month ...so many highlights to mention -(I can't think of any at the moment). Oh well we had soccer regional - we made Steven shirts - Mine had mullet Steven! There were four of us - mullet. bald, cowboy, and mohawk Steven...what happens when I get a picture - it ends up on a teeshirt! That was a good day! Then we had a progressive dinner - where we went from house to house and ate a different part of a meal at each one - fun! Uhmm another highlight was Hannah'd birthday party. It was a surpise and had a pinyata - a bull! it was a themed coyboy party and was fun! I made a doughnut cake for it! It was so much fun! Then another Highlight has been living with Megan - ohh the cabin time we have had! I have laughed so much! I wonder if I can ever live with another person ever! She completes me! We had this improvto dance party where I tried to teach her my "move" and well it was funny! my sides hurt from laughing! It was great she has this bad Christian techno cd - joy electric! It is sooooo awesome - I love it! Heck I'm listen to it right now! "I get a sugar rush thinkin of you too much" so good! circle turn pump pump - thats my move - my secret is out! Uhmm then all teh quality time I've had with Jesse - she is amazing can I just say that. She is my best friend - for real! She give too much! and she's freakin funny to boot! ohh how I love my jessebelle! Uhmm then there was Fall retreat - where I was way crabby and pissy! Didn't want to be but was....It was good! Steven organized this prayer walk and that and the campfire after it were my favorite times of the weekend. Dang he is one gifted man! Uhmm and Josh farted on me - ohh I will fart back and it WILL rock him - it on and the gloves are off - no holding back! Then I've had some great convos with people - there is nothing in the world like a great convo - so satisfying! I've been kinda sick forever - my ears are clogged at the moment and it sucks hardcore - can'y hear! Uhmm then this past friday night I spent the night at Jesse's "flat" and then went to a UT football game - they played Notre Dame! I had soooooo much fun - it was crazy! over 100,000 people packed into an arena! I felt like I was in gladiator! I cheered and screamed and sang along with the masses! It was awesome. I'ma tad sunburned and tired but it was fun! Then I got home and my lil sister had emailed me and said that she got her papers served to her - its offical she's being charged with a felony for posession. It could be Juvenille hall for a year and get on her offical record. My mom has asked me to take her to Florida with me. I'm honestly torn on this issue and upset! I mean why aren't her parents stepping up and should I. I honestly feel like I should - but with being on support and can I...I mean I'm only 23 how can I raise my 15 yearold sister? I want to be honest but can I? Man I'm never going to meet someone. I prayed with Steven tonight and he asked me well wahts hold ing you back - and I told him that. I mean that is really an issue - is it selfish that I want a life. then I hear in the back of my head that its not my life to control! So confused about this! It breaks my heart!
So thats whats been goin on - with a lot more craziness between!

camping in the church and watching the Gremlins - with Dudley!