ahh home

Well I'm here home here the STL... strange how you crave going home and then find that home isn't home anymore (everything has changed) and you crave going back to where you came from. Well, I've had tons of baby time...we've been playing outside a lot (I like to get them away from the TV as much as possible). It awesome to see how much they've grown since Dec but really sad that we don't really know each other at all...I can't think about it too much or I'll cry. It's wierd how much you can love these kids...I'm scared to think of what being a mom is like if being an aunt causes this much emotion. They are each such beautiful children...it's hard to watch my sister missing out by not wanting to spend time with them and send them to daycare all the time - but I don't know what it's like to be a single mom...I have to keep telling myself that. I woke up from a nap (they wake me up at 5:45am) this afternoon and Brayden came running over to hug me and Austin crawled in my lap and snuggled with me...even Izzy the resident wild child/ distant one game me kisses and a hug before I went out tonight...Ethan knows me and keeps asking me why I have to live so far away and not see him (yeah I held the tears in on that one) it's hard to explain to a 5 year old the call to missions...sometimes I wonder how William Carey, Hudson Taylor, etc left everything...was it easier becasue there was little to no contact? Things I ponder...