Finally Home

Well after an exhausting 2 weeks away I am finally home! Yess! Well I really enjoyed my week of orientation on the beach to be honest. It was a bit cold but beautiful! I'm getting a tan - so it basically like a normal shade for most people! The next week I went on our CGO staff retreat (the office building) it was an amazing time of freshment and bonding. I even spent a day in silence - well almost a day! I was playing frisbee with a group of people when it happened. Someone thre it way of over my head and I went to get it. I was like I'll do the cool jog - so as not to be the chubby girl who can't run...well so I take off and I'm on solid ground when all teh sudden I'm in sand and running (apprently common in FL for ground to change quickly) and there are these sticks laying about. I trip on a stick and my foot digs into the sand and I go down hard. I hear this pop/crunch noise. My ankle feels so weak all the sudden. I yell out uhmm I heard a crunch noise - I'm down. Then the pain hits - ohhh the pain...apprently I then went into shock and I really don't remember the next say hour very well. I'm at the hospital and in Triage and the man nurse has a mullet - ohh and its a glorious mullet - long and wavy. Well after being in the ER and having my ankle being twisted and turned I found out I only had a sprang - a bad one but still just a sprang...which takes longer and is more painful than a break. I got cruches- which are from the devil by the way. Yeah well 3 days later it hurts and is turning some cool colors. So then 2 days later I get this stomach bug and get massive "digestive" problems every hour...it reminded me of Kenya! So finally today my stomach feels normal and I can kinda walk...I'm falling apart away from Knoxville! Oh I ordered my cell phone today - I'll get it in about a week. I'm really excited! I can talk to people again! Oh I'm also moving into my duplex - I'll be doing that tonight! Yessssss....finally I'll be settled

Yeah Martin Luther King Jr

So I had my first offical national holiday off of work today! Quite nice spent it on the beach of course - I think I got a lot of sun - hopefully not burned! Uhmm yeah it was a good day of quiet time and journaling...and a long walk alone on the beach. It was so nice to spend time with God that wasn't rushed - it was casual and long! It was a good day thats for sure!

DON'T GO TO LINKS

HEY DON'T GO TO ANY ESSAYS LINKS ON THIS BLOG I DID NOT PUT THEM IN - I DON'T KNOW WHO DID!

So ready

So paradise is ending and the real world is setting in. I'm trying to get used to this waking up at 6:45 and going until 5 - I tend to be tired a lot. I'm really trying not to be - I'm just not sleeping very well. There is also not enough work at the moment to keep me busy - they have a conference next week that I'm participating in and can't help plan. I'm kinda having a hard time meeting people...they are all nice and friendly but it ends kinda there with most people. I'm actually quite intimated by a lot of their close friendships - when I am myself it doesn't nessarily go over very well - so I'm keepin pretty quiet until I feel more comfortable. I feel like there is no place for me to realx and be alone - osal says.
The alleged aerial Ecstasy was reported by the No comments:

Paradise

Not to make everyone thats freezing their tushes off jealous or anything....BUT ITS GLORIOUS HERE IN FLORIDIA...I went to the beach 2x already! I've seen dolphins - like swimming 20 feet from them! I've made sandcastles and burried Ethan. Can life get any better? Well actually yes it can. Its kinda hard right now for me - I'm close to tears and don't know why. I really miss all my friends and the closeness of the CSF. People here are so close and have all these amazing relationships - its hard to be here at times. People are so wonderful and friendly but its not the same you know? It will get better I'm sure! My mom hasn't left yet which is good and bad. Good in that I'm not alone and bad that I haven't gotten settled yet. I'm living in a one room apartment with Michelle and it should be ok for a month - potiental for problems if too long. Its better than a couch thats for sure. I don't have a phone in my house so that sucks and so I'm going to have to get a cell phone really soon becasue I miss you all. I miss Britney's wonderfulness and her encouraging personality (and cuddling on the couch). I miss Hannah being so funny and random! I miss Missy's wisdom - always keeping me grounded! I miss Jesse being my better half - Ohh Jesse I miss thee! I'm going stop talking about you cause I'm tearing up again! I miss Megan - ohh how I need a lil format to make me happy! I miss laying in bed and talking FOREVER! I miss Josh being pretty much the funnest person ever. I miss Tara giving me the what up that I need so badly from time to time and then being there to talk it through! I miss Jake blasting Garth Brooks loud and proud! I miss talking to Steven about everything and anything for hours. I really really miss the csf! Well I gots me some work to do - yessss!

Ughhhh

So I think that a blog or online journal is the place where I just let myself loose. I can be frank and open and honestlt not care what anyone thinks - Its so I can unwind. So I guess I need to unwind from a very very bad day! So the day started out good - had spent the night at Kelly's - saw Willow - I totally do not remember seeing that as a kid - its actually a great movie! It was a fun night in general - so idea that my next day would suck as much as it has. Oh how innocent I was. So I got up and came home and did small stuff I needed to do around the house. I called NMSI and git directions to where I'm moving. I also found out where I'm living. I'm living on a couch in a crowded apartment for like a month or something - could be shorter but I honestly tuned out when I heard the word couch! I guess I'm disapointed and upset about it - I was set on a room and space of my own. I'm not getting that so I guess I'll have to deal somehow. I also found out that once I do get a room then I have a roommate for another 3 months - which could be cool but I kinda told them in September that I needed space...I guess its a pride thing. Uhmm then I found out that my church is only supporting me a year and the lady was kinda rude about what I'm doing. Which I guess will be fine and I'll deal in the upcoming year with everything with that - just a not ok day to hear it. They said I need to be on the field if they were to support me. PRESSURE! Then I talked to my roommate and cried becasue she's pretty much wonderful and I'm finally dealing with leaving. She so incredible and has no idea. Boys are lucky that she notices them at all...she deserves the best - I mean the very best...I may be far away but I can still look after her - she's my precious after all. Then Shari came over - why must I be related to her at all...why????? well needless to say we fought and it sucked - I did not cuss or anything! I did raise my voice and locked myself in the bathroom. I realized that the bathroom floor was a place growing up where God and I talked alot. The bathroom in my house has cabneits that pull out to lock it securely...the only room in the house one can;t break into. I used to hide there when Micheal (my ex step dad) was drunk and angry. Then when my brother used to get mean and violent I locked my self in there too - it was my sactuary if you will. It was my place I would cry out to God in dispair...my desert place. How long oh Lord kind talk - wanna know what I realized God did deliver me - just took awhile but he did. He blest me with Kelly and her family to take care of me. They always made sure I was at church or had a safe place...then I had college to be safe and distanced at. Now I have Florida. I also realized how stubborn I am - if I don't wanna - I don't until I want to...huge pride to - so yeah...ist been a bad day...but its over now...its now a choice wheither to leave yesterday behind me and start a new one a fresh

So much to do

So much to do and so little time! I am trying to pack but have no heart for it I fear - I need help organizing all my butt load o crapola! I am dragging my feet at it which will only make it harder in the long run! I have too much stuff and I'm not willing to part with any of it! Who knows what it will mean to me in like 50 years. Uhm so Jesse I keep a calling but you no answer - I miss you and really want to talk - I just want you to know that I'm trying k! Uhmm so new years was fun christmas good...I've seen like 3 movies since I've gotten back -more than I've seen all of the rest of te year at a theater. Uhm so been chilling out - had some great alone time. Trying to prepare for Flordia and not doing so well...scared out of my mind to be honest and trying not to show it at all. Its been raining like forever here - ughhh I feel like we need to make an boat to survive it so wet outside! Its actually a lot like Auckland with all the rain but rain makes me so sleepy and all I wanna do is nap! I love naps and I relaized that I won't be getting anymore - it made me really sad! Oh and no more summer breaks - mannnn that bites! Well anyway thats about it here - me gots to get ready for the day!

Needed

Jesse my dearest...I need your number...its amidst the chaos of my room and house...I want to chat sooooooo bad! How was Sam and RC? How was Christmas? How is Duds doing with the other cats? What has Josh been doing? Well, how are you! I love and miss you sooooooo much!

Polar Express

I took Ethan to see the Polar Express yesterday - it was so fun! I'll admit I was watvhing his face and reaction more than the movie. He was sooo cute! He was all like its Santa - yeahhhh! It was precious! i LOVED IT SOOO MUCH! i found a gift card one of my anuts had given me last Christmas so we went to Target and picked out a present for his mom - he was soo funny! I think mommy wants a hotwheels, I think mommy wants a spongebob movie - the goal was to find an angel but we settled for some jelwery he picked out. I then started getting pretty sick and went home. I got online an d my rommate was there----yeahhhhh!!! it made my day and Jake was online too!!!!! It was so wonderful to chat with the megster - she's pretty much the greatest persdon I know - runs a close second to Jesse (who will forever be first inmy heart) I finally started to think about people I have left behind - it was a sad moment. Ohh I'm going to New Years in Indy!!!! My mom and Kelly oked it!!!! It will rock! Hmmm what ti wear! Ohhh so I just took cold meds and boy are they kicking in! Ohh so I read through my blog and realized I don't really talk about God anymore and it made mne sad. Thats for another blog when I'm not hazy from the meds - so tired and stuffy - just call me snuffaolougus!

Nothingness

So basically not much has been goin one here..watchin babies...feeding babies...playing with babies...saying no no no no to babies...atempting to feed babies...nothing really. Brayden is such a chunk my back hurts from picking him up...I have to stop and think about proper lifting techniques. I'm getting old I guess. Tommorrow I'm taking Ethan to go see the polar express - should be fun! I'm getting the twins cold - felt like crud most of the day! My mom cried durring dinner - got all emotional about me moving-I'll admidt I almost cried too...don't know why I hold back but I do. Brian and I actually chatted tonight - I think it was our first real one in over a year-sad to say that thats the kind of relationship I have with my brother. My mom found this note in Kristen's folder from one of her friends - its all crass and talks about sex but uses the f word instead - kinda shocked! I'm goin talk to her about it over this weekend. I mean I joke about sex and my lack there of...but as a 15 year-old to be complaining that she has fd someone or had a good fk worries me...I just worry about Kristen...she's so cut off from all of us and relys so heavily on her friends for support...my mom's not been here for her and my bro and sis haven't been sober since they were like 12....and I've had college 8 hours away. I just know she is smarter than the crap that she's been getting into - is there even a way to make a person see that. Things that make one go hmmm. On the funny baby note Izzy is the gassiest baby I've ever seen! She knows no shame and lets it out loud and proud! You can telll she's a Huckaby thats for sure - makes one so proud! We are putting up Christmas stuff today - I will admit I'm all like whats the point! I'm sooo dreading Christmas Eve with the Graslaubs...ahh my mom's side! The Aunt thats over critical and her silnet husband, The rednecked uncle and his 80s queen, the recend divorcee uncle and his new girlfriend, and my mom and and her potty mouthed boyfriend...ohh the joys of family! Its never a dull time thats for sure! The annual farting contest and racial slurrs make the yule time gay! Then the family goes to the casino for added family fun! (I have in previous years opted for babysitting due to my "Strict" adherience to JBC rules/policies..but this year I'll have to find a new excuse!)

Momma Corey

So until Tuesday I am the keeper of the twins and Ethan. Ok so I love kids but I don't know how much mor eof this I can take. Ethan is running around the house and needs attention. Izzy is sick and has a fever and wants to be held...Brayden is eating the cat food in the kitchen..ahhh...there are two bright spots in my day - the 10am nap and the 3pm nap..I get two hours of peace and able to pick up the tornado that they cause. I really love them...Izzy today crawled up to me - looked at me and started to flap her arms - signaling to pick her up. SHe cried when my mom tried to take her from me. She fell asleep in my arms - I personally think that there is no greater feeling in the world than a baby asleep in your arms. It fills me with this sense of peace and awe...and this feeling of this is what its all about. Brayden and I are notbonding at all - which is wierd - kids tend to love me! Ethan is well my lil buddy. I took him to church with me and my mom stayed home with Izzy and Brayden (their colds are getting worse). He was so excited to go to church- he wanted to play with kids. I picked him up and he had such a good time. I want him to see church as a happy place. It bothers me that I'm not going to be here to share Christ with him as he grows so I'm trying to leave seeds where I can. Anyway he was a complete sweetheart at church and fell asleep while I was carrying him - poor kid I had to put him down -he's a big three yearold and was hurting my back. He just needs so much attention because my sister really doesn't give him any - but what can I do other than be a temporary ease to a potiential life long problem. It makes me mad to think about the three beautiful children my sister has been blessed with and doesn't take care of. Sure she loves them and loves being loved by them but I don't know if thats enough to be honest. She would rather spend money on herslef than on them. Don't get me wrong I love my sister and all and she's had a tough life - but one can only blame the past for so long - we're not kids being abused and neglected anymore. I really can't complain too much becasue I have my own plank in my eye thats for sure. Well, I best get some sleep - 7am will come before I even know it...so much for a break.

Home sweet home

So I'm finally done - freedom is sweet! How many JBC rules have broken...hmmm...ok only one - I danced in theparking lot right as I was pulling away - I did my circle turn pump pump move! It was glorious! ok, so my last blogs were all...I'm so sad and depressed over a guy...sorry about that - found out why! I started as I was taking my systematic final - aghhhh! But now I'm slightly less physico! ok so my last week ..hmm...I worked at this bookware house - I gots tons of books - I like books they make me happy! I of course waited till the last minute to pack - thanks megs for helping out! Then I started the long process of goodbyes - which I royally suck at...I'm not a crier..but I know I need to cry - the tears won't come and I know they do...pity the person thats there for it! man so I miss people already -It rips my heart out - wait I feel tears - ahh man nothing- I need to cry! ahhhh! so I was visually raped by a trucker on the way home - he did the whole tongue gross thing to me-why? I was at first liek whats with that man's face then it clicked(I'ma slow one) and then I screamed and hit the gas! it was scary adn violating! I went through my first blasting zone - it was a bad one! I stayed at Jesse's southern plantion!It was awesome- my room was fantistic! Igot tee Ocean's 12 - itw as good - I was just so tired! It was goos seeing jesse and Josh - how I love them! then I got home around 3:30ish on friday afternoon! spend some time with the twins (Izzy and Brayden) then went to kelly's for film festial time - I fell asleep at 11:30 - man I wimped out! I spent the day juggling the three kids - I mutli tasked like no one's buiness! I was super corey! I really really enjoy my time with the kids it just hard cause the don't know me! so now here I am at 10pm on a sat night - the kids are in bed...time to curl up with a good book! Can life get any better I submit it can not! ohh and I baked chocolate cookies - I pretty much rock! applications to date me or be my friend (always a best friend never a girlfriend) are on megan blog!

Jammed to this lil number today

So much for my happy ending oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'In a city so dead
Held up so high On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult But so are they
But they don't know me Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I Know

So its been a busy few days...It's been a good few days. My church has decided to totally support me - which is nice - i can't believe I'm at full support - it amazes me! I've been having such great roommate time - its going to be so hard to leave her! How can one person be so amazing - for real! Can life get any better -I submit it can not! So I did a ministry on Sat night from 11-3am called Lost Sheep where I served hot dogs to clubbers in the Old City. My Roommie and I were there togther which was fun for us. I get into this mode there - Like girl next store wholesome cuteness mode - ask her she understands...well there was this one guy I talked to - he was so hott! He ended up coming back to see me 3 times! I'm not used to that - I tend to like guys that never like me in that way - so when actually hits on me I am a)scared b)clueless c)still liking that guy that never will see how wonderful I am! Megan was like nooo why does she get the hot guy!!! I was like ohh godd you noticed that too - I was confused - it made me blush - I had no idea what to do! Church on Sunday was really good - I was tired and felt rushed. I ended up crying durring ohh come all ye faithful - I can't believe I'm done at the CSF - It makes mt heart hurt! They raised like 500 dollars for me - which is amazing and takes my breath away! I really love them all - so very much. I really don't want to leave them...it makes me cry everytime I think about it (like now) So yeah I get home and walk in the door and see my roommate and just cry --Let it all out --- felt good! She's so great! I took a nap I was too tired and emotional! I then went to Jondras for the evening - I really love her so very much. She was so cute and we just talked and prayed all might - it was good for us! I came home and made a run to Wendy's with Megan - ohh how I lobe her! I woke up and went to get lyrics for this song and got 57 viruses on my computer - which sucked hardcore. I only wrote 2 pages all day on my paper which is due in the afternoon. I then got ready - way too long for this "you look nice" I looked freakin hot! I must say! The banquet was good - best one I've been to. Steven and I went out for coffee afterwards - so that was fun. So here is one of those time in a blog when one gets really personal just becasue well ...I need to express it. I think only like 2 people actually read this and well I've already told them so no biggie - whoever else reads this - well this is how feel and well deal. So I told him I like him - took major balls on my half might I add - there is a reason girls don't do that! All he said back was I know. I KNOW!! what is that - I know! no closeure at all with that one! At least with AJ he was out front honest - I don't like you and never have! I'm not mad! I'm just confused - I know he must not like me- I just don't want his pity! I mean I know I'm not the picture perfect girl -I'm a lil fat and have lots of sass! You know I know already! I know I 've never had a boyfriend - heck I've never had a guy even say he likes me - ever! I know these things! You want to know what - I want to know - I want to know I want to know for how long has he known? I want to know why call me and talk for hours? I want to know what he thinks of me - am I an obsessive idiot or a dear friend or a silly mislead girl? I want to know that! I want to know why I can't cry when I want to about this! I want to know why yet again I'm not good enough and why? I'm not mad at him - I'm really not! I just want more than I know! Do I know and I have felt something too? I'm a girl I'm going to overanylze a statement like I know! well...what else can I say - yet again I'm the dumber for having liked and cared for a guy who - well by saying "I know" and nothing else doesn't like me back. Its not the pity I want - can I say that again - I don't have extremely low self eesteem - don't think that - it just times like this that knock a dent into me! I want to say I won't do it again - I won't care - I won't give - I'll guard myself better - but we all know I'd be lying - don't we! Ughh well I'm just goin stop - I can't spend anymore time on this - its a) not worth it adn b) I have too much to do!

Ohh how I love roommate

So I was driving home tonight from work blasting some great ghetto songs - I so love Usher - man that guy can sing...and the duet with Alicia Keys - so wonderful!!! Ohh I like to belt it out like a black diva -- my true self comes out - good thing I'm alone - its scary and bad and yet soooo fun. So yeah work called me in and I was like heck yeah I'll be in!!! So yeah got nothing done again today. Spent the morning with Jondra - man she is wonderful - the Brewers crack me up! I'm so glad I can hang out at my professors house and that my advisor's wife (Jondra) is so awesome! I'm puppy sitting for them tommorrow -a beautiful yellow lab - Jasmine! It was love at first sight! It sucks I can't get any animals til I know what my future holds. I want one - ok 2- a cat and dog! So yeah so I was driving back and I was singing...when I was singing along with Usher's burn and for some wierd way it triggered a long trail of thought that ended with my wonderful roommate, Megan. Oh when will she return to me - she is enjoying beautiful sunny Florida. I'm here in rainy and cold Tennessee. I miss her!!!! Funny how you start to want to tell a person something and then remember theya ren't there to tell. So its 4 more days till she returns - yeah yeah! I can do this! I'm going to Thanksgiving with Sam and Kathy Darden my campus minister ahd family - should be great southern food. The only bad thing about not going eating with the fam is comfaring it to mom's food. I swear I will not compare tommorrow - just relax and enjoy! Ohhhh on the plus so all this alone time has me and God time at an al time good - I get excited to talk to him. Man this fridge in this apartment makes scary noises. It just made one adn I jumped - I'm naturally a scardy cat - I just act brave! Happy Thansgiving. I'm tying to be grateful for all the many blessings I have been given!

The good the bad and the ugly

So I really don't know why I've titled it this but it seems to fit my holiday so far. The good is that I've had some awesome time with Jesse and Josh. The bad is that everytime we hang out I keep thinking man in 4 weeks this is goin end and I'm moving away - how will I live without them! Don't wanna -ehnnnn (whinie voice) The ugly is well just how totally bored I am ...I've got plenty to do - so many assignments and what not but I'm so unmodivated to do them. I did get to talk to my mentor Ginny today, good convo! I found out my church isvoting on December 1st ---a week away and I know how much support I need! My bestfriend is throwing me an apartment party ---yeahhh apartment stuff! So excited to have an apartment - goin be soo cute and comfy. I've painted a few pictures this semester for it! The only bad thing is that I paint when I'm upset so its like here's the painting when blah blah blah happened. Uhmm so yeah I also realized I can never live alone- this apartment thing is killing me this week! It could also be that no on eis here but still....I hate this. I decided that if I am an old maid I'm so getting a cat --yess I'll be the scary old single cat lady ---dare to dream!!! perrrrfect. uhmm so yeah, I'm 3 credits short for graduation - so I'm looking for a corespondence class to take - ughhh wanted to be done. So on a more serious note... on saturday night some wierd stuff went down in Hannah's apartment. Some serious spiritual warefare - I'll admidt I got the heck out of Dodge! I went and spent the night at Jesse's. She's such a good friend - she had a bed all ready for me and we were able to talk and pray through it. Man it sucked and I just wish that kind of stuff didn't happen to me...but it does and I just have to deal. Other than that I got some bad news AJ's grandpa is dying of cancer - thats all I know! Man you know those times you just want to be there for someone and just hug them and sit with them - I feel like that for him! I can only image how he is feeling at the moment! So thats about it here - ohh so I saw teh movie envy with Ben Stiller and Jack Black - not so great! The music totally sucked and was hardcore annoying! I'm actually wishing Heather was here right now! I called her tonight in Auckland but alas she wasn't home - so sad!

Missy the Birthday Queen! 

Murphy and Me getting cheesy! 

Chillin with Murphy (I love that girl) and Hannah - or Hanniah as I like to call her! 

Hannah and I at Missy's bday party