buttons

So I'm not going to lie I love pop music. I love how it makes my hips sway to the beat and how it's easy and fun to sing along with in my car. I mean I love other types of music...classical, some rap, alternative, indy, jazz, blues but right now I'm feelin pop music. Maybe it's because I don't have to think about it that much and it's nice to just be able to relax. It's like most things in my life are whole wheat bread. It's really good for you and even tastes great, but you have to work harder to chew on it compared to white bread that just melts in your mouth and isn't quite as satisfying.Life is slowly getting more and more normal here. It just takes me a bit to recover from home...I hate that it does but I guess that's just the way it is I guess. I'm getting to the point where I'm glad I didn't get the job and realize it was really nice to dream and really think about where I'm headed in life. Laura one of my housemates asked last night if I could do anything what would I do? I said honestly I'd be a wife and a mom...but I can't bank on that happening...I can't wait around for that to happen...I can't apply for it...it just has to happen in God's timing which is perfect. Some days I am totally aware how not ready I am and I'm content and others I struggle more. For now I just need to keep going where God's set the path and keep struggling along. I feel the need to say that after a week of basically continuous rain and bad weather I can finally see a blue sky and sunshine. Storm clouds are in the distance and will no doubt roll in later but for now the sun is shining on me.

When in Rome

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city girl with a small town heartWhich is why you're attracted to the romance of RomeStrolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in handAnd gorgeous Italian men - could life get any better?

What City Do You Belong In?

rain rain go away

So after 3 days of rain I think I'm tired of it...I noramlly love rain but not today...basically this post is me whinning...other people get to do it so I want my turn.
I'm tired of that wet jean leg that stays wet FOREVER
I'm tired of it being sunny and raining
I'm tired of using a rain jacket adn umbrella and still being soaked
I'm tired of wet flip flop noise
I'm tired of being freezing inside because I'm wet and the AC is blasting because even though it's raining it's still f-ing hot outside!
I'm tired of waiting in my car for 30 mins for it to calm down then just running for it and then getting inside and people giving me the ohhh so it's raining face.
I'm tired of wanting to curl up and watch a movie but I can't becasue lighting struck out TV and the mission has no money for a new one.

Things I do like about rain...
Puddles and changing into my fannel pjs that are like 2 sizes too big and ohh so soft and then taking a nap...which takes me to my next pet peeve...people coming inside my house and turning the ac off because they are cold because they just came from outside and I'm napping and wake up drenched in sweat (my room doesn't get good air)

So basically I've had a pretty crappy week...started off really bad with my sister and me having a fight to end all fights last Sunday...I am still not over that one... I miss my nephew and nieces and won't get to see them for a long while...I have a ton of issues that thanks to my family that make me feel like no one will ever want me...Kirksville didn't end up happening...I miss my best friend...and there are only 2 cars for 30 ppl on campus...I have no idea where I'm going to live in 3 months because like a million people are coming down - that I have to be excited about but right now am just tired of change...I also just wanna cry a lil with someone and be be told it will work out...I for some reason need physical affection right now and no one to hold me and tell me I'm ok...

So yeah... feeling very overwhelmed and isolated...which I know I'm not...I'm part of this organization that l0ves me and cares for me but everyone is really busy right now and I'm not able to trust them either...guess it' something God can do...I hope God can do...and will do...for now I'm just me...take me or leave me...I'll always be honest...I got that going for me...

Greens Bottom

So last night I went out with Kelly and then hung out at her house till late when I made the trek home...I decided to brave the construction and drive on my old favorite road. There is two ways to get to Kelly's house on highway 94 or taking Green's bottom a two lane in the middle of nowwhere road...The Green's bottom choice is always the way to go! Since St. Charles is growing so fast they have decided to turn Green's Bottom into an alternative to 94 and so are widening to 4 lanes and building the road up. It's not done yet and slow in process...so I'll try to tell you about this road and why I love it. This road sits right on the flood plain for the Missouri River and so the land is pretty flat but very fertile - luch greens everywhere this time of the year. So I'm driving with the windows down (I did turn the heat on cause I'm a wimp thanks to FL) and listening to Dave Matthews. This road has several small farms along it so there are times when there is tall corn growing next to the road and others when there is nothing but a field. The road is slighly hilly in places and I was the only car on the road as I took each hill just a little too fast. Then all the sudden my brights caught the reflection of 3 deer in one of the fields. I stopped the car and just watched the deer walk around...one was a large male with these huge antlers. I turned off Dave and just took the whole scence in...As the crickets sang out loudly all I could think was to sing As the deer Panteth for the water so my south longeth after thee. You alone are my hearts desire and I long to worship thee...They eventually trodded off into the trees that line the river and I turned Dave back on and went on my way...taking the steep windy road that leads to my mom's house...A lot of fun times happened on that road between my house and Kelly's house...scary stories were told (mostly by me), accidents avoided, laughter, car raves, times of deep reflection, me keepin the rythm in the backseat, tears were shed, deep converstations, meaningless chatter, and I some pretty great moments of my life. I will be sad when it's gone and becomes surronded by subdivisions and concrete...but I have my memories and that I can tresure and share with others...and who knows maybe I'll have another Greens Bottom Road in this next phase in my life.

ahh home

Well I'm here home here the STL... strange how you crave going home and then find that home isn't home anymore (everything has changed) and you crave going back to where you came from. Well, I've had tons of baby time...we've been playing outside a lot (I like to get them away from the TV as much as possible). It awesome to see how much they've grown since Dec but really sad that we don't really know each other at all...I can't think about it too much or I'll cry. It's wierd how much you can love these kids...I'm scared to think of what being a mom is like if being an aunt causes this much emotion. They are each such beautiful children...it's hard to watch my sister missing out by not wanting to spend time with them and send them to daycare all the time - but I don't know what it's like to be a single mom...I have to keep telling myself that. I woke up from a nap (they wake me up at 5:45am) this afternoon and Brayden came running over to hug me and Austin crawled in my lap and snuggled with me...even Izzy the resident wild child/ distant one game me kisses and a hug before I went out tonight...Ethan knows me and keeps asking me why I have to live so far away and not see him (yeah I held the tears in on that one) it's hard to explain to a 5 year old the call to missions...sometimes I wonder how William Carey, Hudson Taylor, etc left everything...was it easier becasue there was little to no contact? Things I ponder...

i swear I'm a great aunt and he was having fun...he kept saying that this was a good look for him. 

she's just such a pretty picture 

Ethan and me... 

I love it when you call me big poppa...throw you hands in the air... 

lil Austin...he's getting red hair!!!!! 

my niece Izzy 

I'm such a sucker for kittens 

one of the 6 kittens that my lil sis's cat had 

Just another manic Thursday...wish it were Wednesday...becasue that's my fun day

So Brian (the campus minister I work with at CCF) and I decided that we wanted to have smaller groups that focused on discipleship for our summer program. With busy summer schdeules and what not my group ended up being basically Katelyn and Megan. They are AMAZING! They are both 20 and running after God. It's like every week when we meet I'm blessed beyond belief. It's been awesome seeing God grow them this summer and how He's answered our prayers. Katelyn boyfriend is traveling this summer and so she has had to step out and face some things alone...it's been so great to see her growth and how mature she is. Also, to get to watch her minister and step up into leadership. I've actually asked her to take lead a CCF women's group this fall...I do hope she says yes. Then there is Megan...I love this girl...she is stinkin fun and has such a gentle spirit. God is working radically in her life right now and every week Katelyn and I are amazed! So yeah...I love my lil group of girls and the bonding that's been taking place! they push me and challenge me every week. I think one of the coolest things has been to get to pray with Megan...she'd never prayed out loud before and now she's prayin all the time. It's so refreshing to hear her honest, simple, and yet intamate converstaion she has with God...ughhh it's good for the heart. They also crack me up...we're making shirts. Megan's is My dad sings real good...he's a magician and Katelyn's is why he got to be so flashy
and well the jury's still out with mine but "I'm just goin throw this out there" has been tossed around. So I love my Wednesday nights...ohh I started taking Thursday mornings off becasue I get 2 half days for CCF...It was amazing this morning...I slept till I woke up (ok so I woke up at 7am but I forced myself to stay in bed until 9am) then I actually had a really good convo with my older sis, Shari. Then I did some yard work well then I saw a snake and called a guy to come hunt the snake...protected myself with a rake against any attacks the snake could have made (we lost it..it stills lives....which I'm pretty sure it wasn't posionous becasue it wasn't bright - but still I HATE SNAKES!) then I showered on up and went into work. Tonight we're taking Kathy Olsen out for a belated birthday fun ( she has 3 sons and a husband and so we're taking her for a girly night out! aka Mimi's cafe and shopping) I love her so much -she's my mentor and is an amazing woman of God! So yeah then this weekend I'm going camping and tubing with CCF...so pumped about that! Even though I really like looking good (I'm not goin lie I'm good at it) I really really love roughing it. That was one of my favorite things about living in Kenya 3 summers ago. Well I best get going...

We're all so happy... 

Katelyn, Megan, and me...my lil Wednesday night group! 

random Russia picture...Russia's on my heart today. 

me and my boyfriend...we decided my 80s name was Deb 

me and the birthday girl! 

Ok so the girl in black is Katelyn the birthday girl and the girl in pink (also Katelyn) is wearing on of her mom's old outfits!