bitten

Yeah my ankles are covered with bites from some unknown insect from cleaning trash up at UT. They ich like mad and are driving me insane!!!!!! So yeah not much is going on here. I'm waiting to see if I got credit for New Zealand still - I should find out tommorrow - so scared by the way. The best news is that I got to wear my vote for Pedro shirt today - ok so 1 person got it - well it wasn't about them. Then this girl - ok she's evenan RA - man she was a huge jerk and was all like I heard that movie's stuipd and only guys think its funny. I was all like well call me a guy casue it was freakin halarious. Yeah well stupid thing to get mad at but here at JBC you would think people would be less high school but they aren't - I actually think it's worse in some ways. I signed up to chat with 2 missions agencies tommorrow - kinda nervous. My deadline for church is in a month! I get so sick to my stomach whenever I think about it. After NZ I just realized that I want to be a partner in ministry - to work along sides someone closely - but alas currently no one is interested (the story of my life) also i realized that yet again another Birthday draws closer and I still have not had a first date or relationship - I guess I'm having an emotional day today sorry . It just honestly makes me feel like..unwanted and wonder what is wrong with me. My roommate was like you intimate men - I know she mean well but still...I can't help being me. I guess I'm still getting comfortable in my own skin and it effects all the other areas of my life.

freak yeah

So yeah everyone needs to see Napoleon Dynomite ---so great I kept thinking about it and laughing hardcore. Its totally sweet as for real! Uhmm so church was good today ---I got my couch in my room --its so comfy and fun!!!! I also gotto talk to my great friend LeLyne - man I've missed her - i got to hear all about her wedding and just chat with her - ok so it was like 3 hours long but it was needed! It was great to talk through things and just catch up on each others lives - she was kinda my accountabilty partner last semester. I'm actually living in her old room - which is wierd. Man its great to have the couch ---it makes the room more ...friendly and open! Man I love it! So I think I need to cut back on hours at work I worked out my days...
Monday work 8 hours...Tuesday 4 classes then teaching Foriegners kids reading...Wedneday I work 6 hours then I have Bible study Thursaday I have 4 classes then I do some innercity work then Friday i work 5-8 hours and if I can go out then Sat work 8 hours Sunday I have church then accountablity day then church again....man how have I over booked myself in a week. I feel bad cause I need the money for working that much and I need Christian service hours...and I love church things. So study time soesn't fit in so well....goin have to take a day off work. I'm thinking Wednesday or friday...I am leaning toward fridays. Imagne no classes no work freak yeah this could be a great day.

It has begun

....work has begun. I now am offically a cashier at Khol's department store. Man I love/hate this job - is it wrong that I find joy in making some customers mad - like the ones that are jerky to me. I mean people are so jerky to me - they blame me for a) them having no money b) Khols policies c) the bad economy. I do however love working off campus and the people I work with are so great. Is it wrong that some of them were more interested in my internship than people at JBC? The only bad thing is that I work like 25 hours this next week- ahhhhhhh!

So yesterday was soo much fun! I went to the barn dance - which was so fun! I danced with Steven and Josh! Me and Josh can't dance together - mostly it was me that was the problem. I told them to knock me around till I followed their lead. Then we went to see Napoleon Dynomite - for real one of the funniest movies I have ever seen - gosh I laughed hard - all day I'll think of something and it cracks me up! Then I had to do a walmart run then came home. I was a bit pissed off about some comments that were made and vented to Missy - who as always helped me see the errors of my ways/aditude. I called Matt and Steven to apolgize - Steven and I ended up talking for 2 hours - it was really good. I really appreciate his friendship. I know I can trust him and I pray that he feels the same way about me. I am so glad I know where I stand with him - we are just friends and its totally cool! It's great casue there is no arkward tension or crap - we can be ourselves and its refreshing. God really speaks through that man and his transparency. He challenges me all the time.

Ohh so it was a good non-missing New Zealand day - I didn't cry about it all day! It was on my heart but I find the more I get into life here the easier it becomes. I am finding community in the CSF that is beautiful. I wonder why God has blessed me so much sometimes - I mean I'm a no one and yet he has loved me so much- it boggles my mind. I look at Jesse and wonder how I ever lived without her friendship.

I had a good talk with Martha and we discussed some hard truths. My heart hurts for her and what all she has gone through. Her ex is a bastard and a half and I wish I were a man casue I would for kick his ass and then do it again! Sorry guys that do things like that girls should be ....man it was hard to listen to especially with everything that has happened to me in my life. Anyway it was a good talk - we both were able to forgive and agree to work slowly at a friendship. Honestly I barely see my roommate at this point - i wonder when I'll see anyone! I just feel like God is beginning something in my heart and I just have to keep striving after him to find it. I just keep thinking about finding so much joy ministering with someone else - completeing someone's minstry and wondering if I'll ever get to do that again...

Rise and Shine

So today is going to be a good day! I woke up butt early to go to bfast with a friend, Cyn Bin - I'm in this give everyone wierd nicknames stage right now. I'm jammin to Nickel Creek at th moment and thankin God to be alive. AJ sent me a copy of his sermon and it was totally sweet as - it really hit me hard in a lot of ways - I think I'll do my devos from it all week! In it he asked this question - How available am i to the people in my little world? Do I let people know I care for them? Am I getting better at listening and not judging? Yeah uhmm very convicting!

I went in to work and I got my schedule and I work 12 hours in the next 2 days - so much! I am glad to have the work and the pay it will bring! I met with the registar about my internship counting and it has to be a committee descision so I have this form to fill out...its outta my hands and in God's - I just have to let go and pray. Tonight is the barn dance at church - so excited! I gots my cute cowgirl shirt and hair in pigtails, on already. I get a pic casue I look cute if I can say!

almost complete

I've almost finished my scrapbook of this summer - Looking at it is hard because it doesn't seem to do it justice. I guess the reality of 11 weeks counting for no credit has me a bit blue to be honest. I've been having a harder time adjusting to returning than I though possible. This girl here was like my best friend last year - I mean we did everything together. Well it went sour and she decided she didn't like me so much anymore. Well we are now talking again - I mean I've missed her but I'm not sure about the whole thing. I mean I forgive her and hope that she can forgive me for what all happened but I guess it drags up some old pains that cut me really deep. She really really hurt me when she made her decision - Now I don't even know what to do about the whole thing - how do I handle this situation like a mature Christian woman. I feel like I can't be feeling this way - I'm supposed to be the strong one - I'm the one who has to lead when in truth I want to do anything but lead at the moment -I want to give up and run away. I guess this days stress is really getting to me. On the good news side I got my job back - Praise God from whom all blessings flow! God has given me such amazing friends here that totally back me up on things. God has provided me a way to be here. God gave me an incredible summer in New Zealand. God has given me this beautiful computer to use. God has given me health. God has given me a loving (for the most part) family, God has given me my dashing good looks, He has blessed me with so much - I am so thankful! He has and is good and I just need to ride this wave of bad junk out.

shocker of the day (or at least so far)

So yet another drama in my life is that my internship may not count for any credit - which means I have to do it all over again somewhere. It is really all my fault - well and my profs - we didn't turn in registration of the credit - so I have to fight to have it count. Oh and fight I will do. If it doesn't count I'm not sure what I will do - I am thinking I can work a day a week here in Knoxville with an innercity ministry intern then if I go back to New Zealand having that count as like 1-2 credits - this could work! Man I suck at this whole responsiblity thing -I'm goin make a sucky adult one day.

Fresh beginnings

So, I'm finally back at school.
10 hours of driving
3 construation zones - once I went 9 miles in 50 mins -ahhhh
80 miles per hour
2 stops for petrol
1 hour spent waiting for the locksmith to open my car door in Nashville
10 cds
1 bottle of Mountian Dew
3 hours of jammin to soft rock later....
and I pull up on campus
Yeah so I definately cried at the gas station about my keys - I looked at the attendant and I was started ballin to this old southern woman - its just flowed out of me. All I wanted in the world was my mom to make everything better.
Then church was awesome on Sunday - I was walked in late (of course) and Steven who's leading worship gets this grin on his face and I'm think yeah people missed me! It was so good to be around all my CSF buddies- it made my heart happier than its been in a long while. Then yeah it was fun! Then I started to move in - its like 95 degrees here and the elevator is busted - I live on the third floor. Yeah uhmm so I almost died - I hate being hot and man was I hot! Then was prayer service at church and it went soo very well! Then I wnet to Jesse's apartment and got to play with her kitty Dudley. Its a black cat - sooo cute. I'm so excited that she's goin be my accountablity partner - can I just say that! Then was the walmart trip where I sent too much and didn't get half the stuff I need. Man moving in is expensive. Good news I got my new computer and its glorious! Will find someone with a dig camera. Uhm yeah so today I think I got my job back and I just have been seeing people. Also listening to the freshman and trying to be supportive - man its draining! They latch on to you for dear life! Its sad but ...what else can I do?

Questions

Question: How do some people in life have the ablilty to make one go from totally calm and peaceful to supper uhmmm well bitch in 0.2 seconds. You go from dwelling on your morning devo to yelling mean horrible things at another human being because well ...one can't totally blame the other person ---after all I am chose to yell right back aren't I. Darn my hot headed nature - People say its a red head thing - I say it's a self control thing. I can take and take and take but there is this point a fine point and then it's all like hell hath no fury like me. Man its one side of me that I hope changes with age and with the grace of God!

naked

So yeah I've gotten so much good news lately. First my church loved my presentation of my internship to New Zealand - Praise Yahweh for that one! Then they told me that once I fill in my forms I will be getting a scholarship for $2,ooo yeah - with that and my grant and a bit of my student loans school will be paid for for the rest of my life. well or until grad school which I'm thinking about after I pay off my current student loans! They want me to keep them posted on any potiential long term interests - my heart and mind scream ohh I'll be going to New Zealand no problem but I have to wait!

Last night I had the most awesome dream ever - I dreamt that all my friends gave money and sent me to New Zealand for New Years for a month - it was cool! They were all like this is your dream and your passion - go seek and search and see where God leads you. it was the most comforting dream ever! Man the only thing I woke up thinking yeah I get to go to wait...it was just a dream - never mind.

Right now I'm going through all my clothes and taking out things I haven't worn for years or that are a bit tight and either giving them away, selling them or donating them. I have collected too many clothes for real! I will admit it I have a shopping problem - I like new things and I new throw anything out - man I will be the scary old cat lady with tons of old newpapers - ahhhhh! ohh my lil sister's cat isn't a he its a she - its name is Carmen - I wanted Sasha personally. No I went threw the pit of dispair aka my walk in closet and went through old boxes . Yeah basically a whole lot of sentimental junk that I can't keep forever and need to go through. I also realized that for some one who doesn't have any future plans I now have: a smoothie maker (I will forwith call it my crome god), double toaster, fine china that was my great-grandmothers; pots and pans; dishes; silverwear; mixing bowls; a table runner from spain; 3 twin quilts and One queen quilt - man I even have a pasta pot! Its all just sitting in my closet! Hmm...I sure hope I can get it wherever I end up - also what in the world is a pasta pot and why did my mom buy me one?!
Ohh so today Ethan and I played outside in the hose - well I watered the plants and him! Basically he ran around the front yard naked screaming you can't get me---ohh I got him! I am teaching him to sing I'm a maniac maniac maniac thats for sure and dance when I hose him off. Its like my very own lil skinny Chris Farley! Tommorrow is date day - I'm taking him to the pool and then to lunch - then huge nap for both of us!

I am the luckiest

I am luckiest to have been able to spend this past summer in Auckland, New Zealand. For real, it amazes me that God blessed with being able to live there for 11 weeks of my life. I keep expecting to stop missing it with all my heart or to be able to move on - maybe I;m just really way too hard on myself or I'm being an emotional girl but my heart breaks with the realization that I may not ever be able to go back. I got to talk to AJ today and wish him a happy birthday which was wonderful and I'm so glad I got to wish him it. On the other hand I'm sittting here filling out forms evaluating my summer I find myself tearing up and fighting tears. In so many ways I failed this summer - my pride and ego got in the way but in so many ways this summer with Carrie. Its not really her or my Japanese or Chinese friends I miss so much - I do but its livable. I miss my small group and the community that we shared. I miss talking with AJ for hours on end about well everything under the sun but especially about his ministries. I miss Jeremy just making me smile for being well Jeremy. I miss Nick's hug bear hugs. I miss being amazed by Janelle everytime she opened her mouth and spoke. I miss Gram's openness and friendliness. I miss Brad being freakin halarious. I miss talking to Frances and leaving wanting more time with her. I miss hundling in a courner with Heather and talking for hours (and singing soft rock to each other). I miss Ken being well Ken - ohh yeah and listening to John Ruben. I miss craig's sassyness! I miss seeing Fiona and Jay mock each other in Africans. I miss Megans way of making me feel beautiful. I miss Francine's way funny humor! I miss Amy's insights on everything. I miss stephanies laugh. I miss Ruth's mothering - ohh and cooking! I miss Kirsty's asking if anyone wants a hot drink! I miss the Mr. Happy mug- man its cool. I miss the fight for leather. I miss snuggling with a warm blanket with whoever is next to me. I miss everyone picking on Jeremy. I miss the utter chaos that the beginning of a meeting is because we all have so much to say to each other. I miss being loved for who I am. I miss listening to people talk about what the Bible is saying to them. I miss AJ's stare when no one is answering a question. I miss coming as an individual and leaving as a piece of a whole. So yeah you could say I miss small group - lets admitt it it is my home group in more ways than one. I sit here and have wondered for the past 3 week if I will ever be able find that kind of community again. I hope so becasue now that I've had a taste for it I don't think I could ever settle for anything less. I know I will through all this homesickness - thats what it is. I know that in a month I'll be so wrapped up in school and CSF that the emptyness won't be as great. I know all the things - it just that in some ways I don't want to "get over" New Zealand. I don't want to get over how much it means to me. I don't want to forget. I don't want to leave it behind me - I want to take it will me and have it grow with me.

Randomness

So basically not much has been happening on this front. I've been staying up way too late and waking up way too early. On Friday I ran errands all day - I got a new license - My pictures actually quite good (its the cute short hair). I also went out to eat with Jon and Ginny Durr (My mentor and her husband) who bless their hearts are trying to find me a ministry. They introduced me to this 80 year old missionary from Honduras. Jon tried to get me to consider going into nursing and then missions - me a nurse hahahahah. It actually was a pleasant night and I enjoyed myself - it was nice to be around a woman who had been doing fulltime ministry overseas for 60 years! Then I went out with Kelly and the guys to this cool old movie house in the city and saw the stupidest movie, The dark crystal, I love 80s movies but I did not love this one! Then Yesterday I babysat the twins aka the best birth control known to man --man those 2 are work. Izzy (Isabella) just never stops crying --Kristen and I were like why are we babysitting again? Finally I got out of the house and went shopping to Walmart to get supplies to create my report about what all happened in NZ to present before the Missions committee at my church. It I has to say turned out looking really good! I ended up staying the night at Kelly's and staying up to 2:3am playing Life with Kelly's lil sis Jill. Man I love the game of Life - I'm a sucker for it anytime!

Kelly's car's stereo is broken so we have taken to busting out songs when we want music. It's actually quite fun and I'm lovin it. Last night we sang our favorite Hymns - my fav for the moment is Take my life and Let it Be:

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Sometime I find songs that really speak and minister to my spirit. This hymn is doing this at the moment. God is just really working at me giving everything to Him. I can't do ministry fulltime unless I do.

Time is moving

So I got to talk to Heather and AJ last night...man I got off the phone at 4am here - dang gina I was tired! It was so good for my heart to talk to them though. It was awesome to hear some kiwi accents -- its getting hard to understand again and there was a delay that was from the devil. Uhmm today I slept in till hmm...12 noonish and them hung out with the fam all day. Ethan stayed home from daycare so we played all day --do you think anyone will notice a 3 year old living in my dorm room? we washed my car --which was way fun and outta control. He was so cute and kept saying I'm your helper Corey see I'm helping (I just let him go hog wild with the hose) Then when I was washing the tires he said he was done and I look up to see his bare bum streak across the front yard. I say to him no getting naked in the front yard. Yeah I love that Kid. Then we watched the Lion King and played aroung (mainly me chasing him and him yelling at the top of his lungs) finally dinner then a walk around the lake with him, my mom, boomer (my black lab) and me...Ethan carried his flash light to protect us from the dinos in the forest - thats what he told us anyway. So yeah it was a great family day. I looked up some missions agencies today and asked for information but nothing feels right so far. I wish I had a vision or a plan --I hate not having plans --I love making plans and figuring out details. Man it hard to just see what happens and attempt to "wait patiently upon the Lord".

Smooth move

So yeah today was yet another lazy summer day...butt hot - gross. I was thinking I want to cut my hair off and I did...its so short! I will put a picture up as soon as I get a dig pic of it. Uhmm my lil sister got the cutest kitten...its gray and a boy and has no name yet. I love him and want him to be mine forever! I don't want to be the creppy old maid with 15 cats though - one of my biggest fears in life. O h my hair is so cute - so excited. You know when you have these days when you feel ugly and unattractive --its bad but the haircut helped end that feeling. I also picked up my car...my car...my beautiful car...mine...all mine - it was a glorious reunion. Then all I've done is sort out my email and figure out mu to do list for the week --my life is so fun! ohh I did see 50 first dates ---so great...But it puts one into the gushy romantic mood and since I've no plausible prospects its effect turns more depressive than romantic. Then on starts to over analyze everything and its a down hill battle after that --so excited for school to start so life and ministry starts back up. ohh I may get my job at khols back -- so happy! It is off campus and I can be around non-Christians again. Not that I don't like Christians but non-Christians are so....Refreshing and real. I really want my job back! I can be a sassy cashier with cute as hair! well that's about it here on this front. I'm just prayin and trying to figure out what I'll be doin after I graduate...so scary. That's a whole other blog all together!

AJ (a great bro from NZ) and me at my going away party. This is pre super cute hair cut Corey 

New Beginnings

So I decided to start a new blog because well... I wanted too isn't that reason enough really. I decided that want an online journal so that not only I have a record of thing sthat have happened in my life also so that friends far away can know too. I wish I was all compture smart becasue I'd post pictures and do cool things but hmmm...I don't know so we just don't know what we're missing. Today I got back from my really good friend Amanda's wedding. This is my first really good friend to get married. It was surpising easy --like it was the natural thing for them to be doing. I was so happy for them ---it was a beautiful wedding and they had one hot flower girl (me). The wedding also gave me good quality friend time. God totaly blessed me with amazing wise friends. They listened to me go on and on and on about NZ. They listen to be whine about not being there and then listened when later when I would whine about not being there some more. It was wierd by the end of the week with them I wasn't whining anymore I was trying to treasure every moment I had with them while I could. Ashley is well amazing. She's the baby of all of us and you'd never know it. She is first off way hot ut she's so much more than that. SH eis passionate and caring. She truely loves people and will listen to a person as long as it takes. She is smarter than anyone I know and has a true passion for learning. She brings me closer to God through our friendship. Then there is Beth - bevo. She is also totally hot -- but in more of a sultry jazz kinda of way. Beth is interesting --you can't read her so much. She surpises me everytime I'm around her. She loves people too but in a different way from Ashley --she wants to be a counsler and will be an increadible one --she is so honest and upfront with people - not in a mean way but in a loving we're goin work on this kinda of way. Beth challenges my ways of doing things and makes me really do things out of my love of God. Oh yeah and she is butt funny -- for real the funniest people I know. Then there is Amanda - The striking beautiful one...the married one. Amanda is honestly one of the kindest most gentle people I have every known in my life. She would give everything she has away to someone in need with out thinking twice. She is smarter than all get out and just understands things. Her amazing love of people is shown through her serving them. She is one heck of a servant. Amanda brings me closer to God by teaching how to serve others and how to be humble. Basically, God has put these utterly amazing women in my life and has taught me so much through them. I wonder when I'm around them what I ever did to deserve their friendship and how I could ever fit in such a group. Today is the last time in at least a year that I'll see them. Ashley leaves for Swizterland for year in 2 weeks and Amanda moved back to OR. Beth is still living in KS and I'll be in TN. So yeah its been a emotionally rough day but a good day. I have this feeling that no matter what happens we willl still be friends through the years.

Japanese students and me at K2: my classroon, a Japanese bookstore, and Japanese Church. 

Yoshi and and the eel 

Bori, Kazu, and me. Two of my Japanese students I worked with in New Zealand