Finally Home

Well after an exhausting 2 weeks away I am finally home! Yess! Well I really enjoyed my week of orientation on the beach to be honest. It was a bit cold but beautiful! I'm getting a tan - so it basically like a normal shade for most people! The next week I went on our CGO staff retreat (the office building) it was an amazing time of freshment and bonding. I even spent a day in silence - well almost a day! I was playing frisbee with a group of people when it happened. Someone thre it way of over my head and I went to get it. I was like I'll do the cool jog - so as not to be the chubby girl who can't run...well so I take off and I'm on solid ground when all teh sudden I'm in sand and running (apprently common in FL for ground to change quickly) and there are these sticks laying about. I trip on a stick and my foot digs into the sand and I go down hard. I hear this pop/crunch noise. My ankle feels so weak all the sudden. I yell out uhmm I heard a crunch noise - I'm down. Then the pain hits - ohhh the pain...apprently I then went into shock and I really don't remember the next say hour very well. I'm at the hospital and in Triage and the man nurse has a mullet - ohh and its a glorious mullet - long and wavy. Well after being in the ER and having my ankle being twisted and turned I found out I only had a sprang - a bad one but still just a sprang...which takes longer and is more painful than a break. I got cruches- which are from the devil by the way. Yeah well 3 days later it hurts and is turning some cool colors. So then 2 days later I get this stomach bug and get massive "digestive" problems every hour...it reminded me of Kenya! So finally today my stomach feels normal and I can kinda walk...I'm falling apart away from Knoxville! Oh I ordered my cell phone today - I'll get it in about a week. I'm really excited! I can talk to people again! Oh I'm also moving into my duplex - I'll be doing that tonight! Yessssss....finally I'll be settled

Yeah Martin Luther King Jr

So I had my first offical national holiday off of work today! Quite nice spent it on the beach of course - I think I got a lot of sun - hopefully not burned! Uhmm yeah it was a good day of quiet time and journaling...and a long walk alone on the beach. It was so nice to spend time with God that wasn't rushed - it was casual and long! It was a good day thats for sure!

DON'T GO TO LINKS

HEY DON'T GO TO ANY ESSAYS LINKS ON THIS BLOG I DID NOT PUT THEM IN - I DON'T KNOW WHO DID!

So ready

So paradise is ending and the real world is setting in. I'm trying to get used to this waking up at 6:45 and going until 5 - I tend to be tired a lot. I'm really trying not to be - I'm just not sleeping very well. There is also not enough work at the moment to keep me busy - they have a conference next week that I'm participating in and can't help plan. I'm kinda having a hard time meeting people...they are all nice and friendly but it ends kinda there with most people. I'm actually quite intimated by a lot of their close friendships - when I am myself it doesn't nessarily go over very well - so I'm keepin pretty quiet until I feel more comfortable. I feel like there is no place for me to realx and be alone - osal says.
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Paradise

Not to make everyone thats freezing their tushes off jealous or anything....BUT ITS GLORIOUS HERE IN FLORIDIA...I went to the beach 2x already! I've seen dolphins - like swimming 20 feet from them! I've made sandcastles and burried Ethan. Can life get any better? Well actually yes it can. Its kinda hard right now for me - I'm close to tears and don't know why. I really miss all my friends and the closeness of the CSF. People here are so close and have all these amazing relationships - its hard to be here at times. People are so wonderful and friendly but its not the same you know? It will get better I'm sure! My mom hasn't left yet which is good and bad. Good in that I'm not alone and bad that I haven't gotten settled yet. I'm living in a one room apartment with Michelle and it should be ok for a month - potiental for problems if too long. Its better than a couch thats for sure. I don't have a phone in my house so that sucks and so I'm going to have to get a cell phone really soon becasue I miss you all. I miss Britney's wonderfulness and her encouraging personality (and cuddling on the couch). I miss Hannah being so funny and random! I miss Missy's wisdom - always keeping me grounded! I miss Jesse being my better half - Ohh Jesse I miss thee! I'm going stop talking about you cause I'm tearing up again! I miss Megan - ohh how I need a lil format to make me happy! I miss laying in bed and talking FOREVER! I miss Josh being pretty much the funnest person ever. I miss Tara giving me the what up that I need so badly from time to time and then being there to talk it through! I miss Jake blasting Garth Brooks loud and proud! I miss talking to Steven about everything and anything for hours. I really really miss the csf! Well I gots me some work to do - yessss!

Ughhhh

So I think that a blog or online journal is the place where I just let myself loose. I can be frank and open and honestlt not care what anyone thinks - Its so I can unwind. So I guess I need to unwind from a very very bad day! So the day started out good - had spent the night at Kelly's - saw Willow - I totally do not remember seeing that as a kid - its actually a great movie! It was a fun night in general - so idea that my next day would suck as much as it has. Oh how innocent I was. So I got up and came home and did small stuff I needed to do around the house. I called NMSI and git directions to where I'm moving. I also found out where I'm living. I'm living on a couch in a crowded apartment for like a month or something - could be shorter but I honestly tuned out when I heard the word couch! I guess I'm disapointed and upset about it - I was set on a room and space of my own. I'm not getting that so I guess I'll have to deal somehow. I also found out that once I do get a room then I have a roommate for another 3 months - which could be cool but I kinda told them in September that I needed space...I guess its a pride thing. Uhmm then I found out that my church is only supporting me a year and the lady was kinda rude about what I'm doing. Which I guess will be fine and I'll deal in the upcoming year with everything with that - just a not ok day to hear it. They said I need to be on the field if they were to support me. PRESSURE! Then I talked to my roommate and cried becasue she's pretty much wonderful and I'm finally dealing with leaving. She so incredible and has no idea. Boys are lucky that she notices them at all...she deserves the best - I mean the very best...I may be far away but I can still look after her - she's my precious after all. Then Shari came over - why must I be related to her at all...why????? well needless to say we fought and it sucked - I did not cuss or anything! I did raise my voice and locked myself in the bathroom. I realized that the bathroom floor was a place growing up where God and I talked alot. The bathroom in my house has cabneits that pull out to lock it securely...the only room in the house one can;t break into. I used to hide there when Micheal (my ex step dad) was drunk and angry. Then when my brother used to get mean and violent I locked my self in there too - it was my sactuary if you will. It was my place I would cry out to God in dispair...my desert place. How long oh Lord kind talk - wanna know what I realized God did deliver me - just took awhile but he did. He blest me with Kelly and her family to take care of me. They always made sure I was at church or had a safe place...then I had college to be safe and distanced at. Now I have Florida. I also realized how stubborn I am - if I don't wanna - I don't until I want to...huge pride to - so yeah...ist been a bad day...but its over now...its now a choice wheither to leave yesterday behind me and start a new one a fresh

So much to do

So much to do and so little time! I am trying to pack but have no heart for it I fear - I need help organizing all my butt load o crapola! I am dragging my feet at it which will only make it harder in the long run! I have too much stuff and I'm not willing to part with any of it! Who knows what it will mean to me in like 50 years. Uhm so Jesse I keep a calling but you no answer - I miss you and really want to talk - I just want you to know that I'm trying k! Uhmm so new years was fun christmas good...I've seen like 3 movies since I've gotten back -more than I've seen all of the rest of te year at a theater. Uhm so been chilling out - had some great alone time. Trying to prepare for Flordia and not doing so well...scared out of my mind to be honest and trying not to show it at all. Its been raining like forever here - ughhh I feel like we need to make an boat to survive it so wet outside! Its actually a lot like Auckland with all the rain but rain makes me so sleepy and all I wanna do is nap! I love naps and I relaized that I won't be getting anymore - it made me really sad! Oh and no more summer breaks - mannnn that bites! Well anyway thats about it here - me gots to get ready for the day!