Meeting with Phil

So I had that meeting with Phil. It was awesome but I totally need to process it so I think I'm going to go home and journal. A lot of stuff was tossed about the biggest was me leading the intern team this summer to Kenya...ohh an Africa as the place to serve in....which goes against my whole I'm never ever going back to Africa thing I had going and yet God seems to be drawing me to there. Anyway it was good...then I got this phone call from my mom. My grandpa's not doing good after his back surgey and they want to put him in a nursing home whihc will seperate him from my grandma (they been married 53 yrs) and yeah well he's really important to me. So I'm upset and maybe crying as I write this. I've got to go....

16 days...

16 days till COAT ends...
I'm not sure how I feel about it all. I mean I love the people (most of the time) and have been stretched and challenged to grow in both my walk with God and in leadership and yet part of me has checked out and is planning the party I will have the day after when my life returns to "normal". But the thing is "normal" has become life in COAT. I'm meeting with Phil this afternoon about my future...he's oked me to go on the field. Part of me wants to celebrate after all I've been working for 2 years for this and the other part of me wants to go to bed and pull the covers over my head. This whole being "healthy" whatever that means is scary...it means change. I'm old enough to be terrified of change and I know it hurts and yet I know that's what is going to satisfy me. It's just wierd how I've transistioned into this new role on campus as someone who gives out rather than someone who takes. That I'm understanding and living by these ideals NMSI has talked about...I've finally almost bought in and now well I don't know what's next. I'm committed here in Ft. Myers at least till next fall and yet Phil has said that if God calls me elsewhere before then he'll support it. (Phil's out president here and pretty much stinking amazing) So about the Holidays...so far I've decided to stay here in FTM. I'm running in the Turket Trot on Thanksgiving day...It's only a 5k but that's a huge deal to me! Last year I cheered and this year prepare for total domination! I've learned in the past 2 weeks I like to run...go figure! Then I'm not sure about Turkey day itself...I'm noncommittial at the moment. On Friday I'm going to Orlando with Craig to meet his family and watch his brother play in the final four for DIV3 soccer. (if his team makes it and right now they are #2). That's my Thanksgiving...hopefully low key and relaxing. I think I'm going to stay here for Christmas too at this point. Oh I've been majorly working on support for next year and... my finger has been healing nicely (picture to follow) it looks basically normal! boo random infections! Oh I also got an ipod which I will now call the bane of my existence...ughhh I don't even want to talk about it!

My saga...

So the day of my birthday my ring finger started hurting. That night I noticed my finger was swollen and red but there was no cut so I was like huh that's wierd. The next day my finger hurt even worse and was swollen and turning yellow/green. I was told by my friend that's a dr to go to a dr the next day. So I got into the dr and she was like I'm not comfortable opening this wound and you need to get it lanced...I'm going to refer you to a hand surgeon. So she called and made them see me the next day...they kept saying they were full till October 24th. So this first picture was taken on the day I went to the first doctor.

















So I went to the hand surgeon and he was really nice. I went by myself which I regret. He numbed my hand...way painful...but I was strong! Oh and he wouldn't let me watch!!! He then cut open my finger and drained the puss and then cauterized (no idea how to spell that one) the wound. So basically he burned the infected flesh...it smelt really bad and I got kind of dizzy and my knees started to shake. (why I wish someone was with me) He bandaged it up and said it would be numb for about 12 hrs and gave me some painkillers...Vicadin. So yeah 24 hrs later when feeling finally returned and I was in imense pain I took the Hydrocodine they gave me...oh yeah my known allergy is Codine so yeah I got pretty sick. After almost passing out at work and getting really really ichy I decided not to take any more. Oh so the Dr also told me to soak in Epson salts...I'm pretty sure these will be in Hell and used to torture people there! I have never experienced pain that before. It sure drained my finger but made me curl in a ball and honestly cry like a baby. All I wanted in life was my mom. I may have freaked out and called a few people to see if this was normal...no one was home or they were watching Lost...so I took more painkillers that I was allergic too and went to bed. This next picture was the next day...















So yeah Wednesday was the bad day and it was better in the days following. I called the dr and got a different painkiller...darpaset (I went to Bible college and can't spell). My opion on painkillers...I like not feeling pain but hate not being able to control my body...why would you want to be addicted to that feeling! So I decided I can't be famous becasue I can't be addicted to painkillers...

















So my finger is now healing nicely...it's shedding is really gross and I'll have a nice scar but the infection is gone and my finger didn't fall off and hopefully oneday I'll have a nice rock on that finger to make the scar look smaller. So yeha it's amazing how one finger can consume your whole life...well at least a week.















Oh so only 4 more weeks left of COAT (the training program I'm running)! I'll miss everyone but I'm really really looking forward to a break. I'll write more about it...I love it but well...everyone is having emotional/spiritual breakdowns and I'm way excited for them but it's draining none the less.