Needed

Jesse my dearest...I need your number...its amidst the chaos of my room and house...I want to chat sooooooo bad! How was Sam and RC? How was Christmas? How is Duds doing with the other cats? What has Josh been doing? Well, how are you! I love and miss you sooooooo much!

Polar Express

I took Ethan to see the Polar Express yesterday - it was so fun! I'll admit I was watvhing his face and reaction more than the movie. He was sooo cute! He was all like its Santa - yeahhhh! It was precious! i LOVED IT SOOO MUCH! i found a gift card one of my anuts had given me last Christmas so we went to Target and picked out a present for his mom - he was soo funny! I think mommy wants a hotwheels, I think mommy wants a spongebob movie - the goal was to find an angel but we settled for some jelwery he picked out. I then started getting pretty sick and went home. I got online an d my rommate was there----yeahhhhh!!! it made my day and Jake was online too!!!!! It was so wonderful to chat with the megster - she's pretty much the greatest persdon I know - runs a close second to Jesse (who will forever be first inmy heart) I finally started to think about people I have left behind - it was a sad moment. Ohh I'm going to New Years in Indy!!!! My mom and Kelly oked it!!!! It will rock! Hmmm what ti wear! Ohhh so I just took cold meds and boy are they kicking in! Ohh so I read through my blog and realized I don't really talk about God anymore and it made mne sad. Thats for another blog when I'm not hazy from the meds - so tired and stuffy - just call me snuffaolougus!

Nothingness

So basically not much has been goin one here..watchin babies...feeding babies...playing with babies...saying no no no no to babies...atempting to feed babies...nothing really. Brayden is such a chunk my back hurts from picking him up...I have to stop and think about proper lifting techniques. I'm getting old I guess. Tommorrow I'm taking Ethan to go see the polar express - should be fun! I'm getting the twins cold - felt like crud most of the day! My mom cried durring dinner - got all emotional about me moving-I'll admidt I almost cried too...don't know why I hold back but I do. Brian and I actually chatted tonight - I think it was our first real one in over a year-sad to say that thats the kind of relationship I have with my brother. My mom found this note in Kristen's folder from one of her friends - its all crass and talks about sex but uses the f word instead - kinda shocked! I'm goin talk to her about it over this weekend. I mean I joke about sex and my lack there of...but as a 15 year-old to be complaining that she has fd someone or had a good fk worries me...I just worry about Kristen...she's so cut off from all of us and relys so heavily on her friends for support...my mom's not been here for her and my bro and sis haven't been sober since they were like 12....and I've had college 8 hours away. I just know she is smarter than the crap that she's been getting into - is there even a way to make a person see that. Things that make one go hmmm. On the funny baby note Izzy is the gassiest baby I've ever seen! She knows no shame and lets it out loud and proud! You can telll she's a Huckaby thats for sure - makes one so proud! We are putting up Christmas stuff today - I will admit I'm all like whats the point! I'm sooo dreading Christmas Eve with the Graslaubs...ahh my mom's side! The Aunt thats over critical and her silnet husband, The rednecked uncle and his 80s queen, the recend divorcee uncle and his new girlfriend, and my mom and and her potty mouthed boyfriend...ohh the joys of family! Its never a dull time thats for sure! The annual farting contest and racial slurrs make the yule time gay! Then the family goes to the casino for added family fun! (I have in previous years opted for babysitting due to my "Strict" adherience to JBC rules/policies..but this year I'll have to find a new excuse!)

Momma Corey

So until Tuesday I am the keeper of the twins and Ethan. Ok so I love kids but I don't know how much mor eof this I can take. Ethan is running around the house and needs attention. Izzy is sick and has a fever and wants to be held...Brayden is eating the cat food in the kitchen..ahhh...there are two bright spots in my day - the 10am nap and the 3pm nap..I get two hours of peace and able to pick up the tornado that they cause. I really love them...Izzy today crawled up to me - looked at me and started to flap her arms - signaling to pick her up. SHe cried when my mom tried to take her from me. She fell asleep in my arms - I personally think that there is no greater feeling in the world than a baby asleep in your arms. It fills me with this sense of peace and awe...and this feeling of this is what its all about. Brayden and I are notbonding at all - which is wierd - kids tend to love me! Ethan is well my lil buddy. I took him to church with me and my mom stayed home with Izzy and Brayden (their colds are getting worse). He was so excited to go to church- he wanted to play with kids. I picked him up and he had such a good time. I want him to see church as a happy place. It bothers me that I'm not going to be here to share Christ with him as he grows so I'm trying to leave seeds where I can. Anyway he was a complete sweetheart at church and fell asleep while I was carrying him - poor kid I had to put him down -he's a big three yearold and was hurting my back. He just needs so much attention because my sister really doesn't give him any - but what can I do other than be a temporary ease to a potiential life long problem. It makes me mad to think about the three beautiful children my sister has been blessed with and doesn't take care of. Sure she loves them and loves being loved by them but I don't know if thats enough to be honest. She would rather spend money on herslef than on them. Don't get me wrong I love my sister and all and she's had a tough life - but one can only blame the past for so long - we're not kids being abused and neglected anymore. I really can't complain too much becasue I have my own plank in my eye thats for sure. Well, I best get some sleep - 7am will come before I even know it...so much for a break.

Home sweet home

So I'm finally done - freedom is sweet! How many JBC rules have broken...hmmm...ok only one - I danced in theparking lot right as I was pulling away - I did my circle turn pump pump move! It was glorious! ok, so my last blogs were all...I'm so sad and depressed over a guy...sorry about that - found out why! I started as I was taking my systematic final - aghhhh! But now I'm slightly less physico! ok so my last week ..hmm...I worked at this bookware house - I gots tons of books - I like books they make me happy! I of course waited till the last minute to pack - thanks megs for helping out! Then I started the long process of goodbyes - which I royally suck at...I'm not a crier..but I know I need to cry - the tears won't come and I know they do...pity the person thats there for it! man so I miss people already -It rips my heart out - wait I feel tears - ahh man nothing- I need to cry! ahhhh! so I was visually raped by a trucker on the way home - he did the whole tongue gross thing to me-why? I was at first liek whats with that man's face then it clicked(I'ma slow one) and then I screamed and hit the gas! it was scary adn violating! I went through my first blasting zone - it was a bad one! I stayed at Jesse's southern plantion!It was awesome- my room was fantistic! Igot tee Ocean's 12 - itw as good - I was just so tired! It was goos seeing jesse and Josh - how I love them! then I got home around 3:30ish on friday afternoon! spend some time with the twins (Izzy and Brayden) then went to kelly's for film festial time - I fell asleep at 11:30 - man I wimped out! I spent the day juggling the three kids - I mutli tasked like no one's buiness! I was super corey! I really really enjoy my time with the kids it just hard cause the don't know me! so now here I am at 10pm on a sat night - the kids are in bed...time to curl up with a good book! Can life get any better I submit it can not! ohh and I baked chocolate cookies - I pretty much rock! applications to date me or be my friend (always a best friend never a girlfriend) are on megan blog!

Jammed to this lil number today

So much for my happy ending oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did? Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hangin'In a city so dead
Held up so high On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be...
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of our memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending So much for my happy ending
You've got your dumb friends I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult But so are they
But they don't know me Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one
It's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done

I Know

So its been a busy few days...It's been a good few days. My church has decided to totally support me - which is nice - i can't believe I'm at full support - it amazes me! I've been having such great roommate time - its going to be so hard to leave her! How can one person be so amazing - for real! Can life get any better -I submit it can not! So I did a ministry on Sat night from 11-3am called Lost Sheep where I served hot dogs to clubbers in the Old City. My Roommie and I were there togther which was fun for us. I get into this mode there - Like girl next store wholesome cuteness mode - ask her she understands...well there was this one guy I talked to - he was so hott! He ended up coming back to see me 3 times! I'm not used to that - I tend to like guys that never like me in that way - so when actually hits on me I am a)scared b)clueless c)still liking that guy that never will see how wonderful I am! Megan was like nooo why does she get the hot guy!!! I was like ohh godd you noticed that too - I was confused - it made me blush - I had no idea what to do! Church on Sunday was really good - I was tired and felt rushed. I ended up crying durring ohh come all ye faithful - I can't believe I'm done at the CSF - It makes mt heart hurt! They raised like 500 dollars for me - which is amazing and takes my breath away! I really love them all - so very much. I really don't want to leave them...it makes me cry everytime I think about it (like now) So yeah I get home and walk in the door and see my roommate and just cry --Let it all out --- felt good! She's so great! I took a nap I was too tired and emotional! I then went to Jondras for the evening - I really love her so very much. She was so cute and we just talked and prayed all might - it was good for us! I came home and made a run to Wendy's with Megan - ohh how I lobe her! I woke up and went to get lyrics for this song and got 57 viruses on my computer - which sucked hardcore. I only wrote 2 pages all day on my paper which is due in the afternoon. I then got ready - way too long for this "you look nice" I looked freakin hot! I must say! The banquet was good - best one I've been to. Steven and I went out for coffee afterwards - so that was fun. So here is one of those time in a blog when one gets really personal just becasue well ...I need to express it. I think only like 2 people actually read this and well I've already told them so no biggie - whoever else reads this - well this is how feel and well deal. So I told him I like him - took major balls on my half might I add - there is a reason girls don't do that! All he said back was I know. I KNOW!! what is that - I know! no closeure at all with that one! At least with AJ he was out front honest - I don't like you and never have! I'm not mad! I'm just confused - I know he must not like me- I just don't want his pity! I mean I know I'm not the picture perfect girl -I'm a lil fat and have lots of sass! You know I know already! I know I 've never had a boyfriend - heck I've never had a guy even say he likes me - ever! I know these things! You want to know what - I want to know - I want to know I want to know for how long has he known? I want to know why call me and talk for hours? I want to know what he thinks of me - am I an obsessive idiot or a dear friend or a silly mislead girl? I want to know that! I want to know why I can't cry when I want to about this! I want to know why yet again I'm not good enough and why? I'm not mad at him - I'm really not! I just want more than I know! Do I know and I have felt something too? I'm a girl I'm going to overanylze a statement like I know! well...what else can I say - yet again I'm the dumber for having liked and cared for a guy who - well by saying "I know" and nothing else doesn't like me back. Its not the pity I want - can I say that again - I don't have extremely low self eesteem - don't think that - it just times like this that knock a dent into me! I want to say I won't do it again - I won't care - I won't give - I'll guard myself better - but we all know I'd be lying - don't we! Ughh well I'm just goin stop - I can't spend anymore time on this - its a) not worth it adn b) I have too much to do!

Ohh how I love roommate

So I was driving home tonight from work blasting some great ghetto songs - I so love Usher - man that guy can sing...and the duet with Alicia Keys - so wonderful!!! Ohh I like to belt it out like a black diva -- my true self comes out - good thing I'm alone - its scary and bad and yet soooo fun. So yeah work called me in and I was like heck yeah I'll be in!!! So yeah got nothing done again today. Spent the morning with Jondra - man she is wonderful - the Brewers crack me up! I'm so glad I can hang out at my professors house and that my advisor's wife (Jondra) is so awesome! I'm puppy sitting for them tommorrow -a beautiful yellow lab - Jasmine! It was love at first sight! It sucks I can't get any animals til I know what my future holds. I want one - ok 2- a cat and dog! So yeah so I was driving back and I was singing...when I was singing along with Usher's burn and for some wierd way it triggered a long trail of thought that ended with my wonderful roommate, Megan. Oh when will she return to me - she is enjoying beautiful sunny Florida. I'm here in rainy and cold Tennessee. I miss her!!!! Funny how you start to want to tell a person something and then remember theya ren't there to tell. So its 4 more days till she returns - yeah yeah! I can do this! I'm going to Thanksgiving with Sam and Kathy Darden my campus minister ahd family - should be great southern food. The only bad thing about not going eating with the fam is comfaring it to mom's food. I swear I will not compare tommorrow - just relax and enjoy! Ohhhh on the plus so all this alone time has me and God time at an al time good - I get excited to talk to him. Man this fridge in this apartment makes scary noises. It just made one adn I jumped - I'm naturally a scardy cat - I just act brave! Happy Thansgiving. I'm tying to be grateful for all the many blessings I have been given!

The good the bad and the ugly

So I really don't know why I've titled it this but it seems to fit my holiday so far. The good is that I've had some awesome time with Jesse and Josh. The bad is that everytime we hang out I keep thinking man in 4 weeks this is goin end and I'm moving away - how will I live without them! Don't wanna -ehnnnn (whinie voice) The ugly is well just how totally bored I am ...I've got plenty to do - so many assignments and what not but I'm so unmodivated to do them. I did get to talk to my mentor Ginny today, good convo! I found out my church isvoting on December 1st ---a week away and I know how much support I need! My bestfriend is throwing me an apartment party ---yeahhh apartment stuff! So excited to have an apartment - goin be soo cute and comfy. I've painted a few pictures this semester for it! The only bad thing is that I paint when I'm upset so its like here's the painting when blah blah blah happened. Uhmm so yeah I also realized I can never live alone- this apartment thing is killing me this week! It could also be that no on eis here but still....I hate this. I decided that if I am an old maid I'm so getting a cat --yess I'll be the scary old single cat lady ---dare to dream!!! perrrrfect. uhmm so yeah, I'm 3 credits short for graduation - so I'm looking for a corespondence class to take - ughhh wanted to be done. So on a more serious note... on saturday night some wierd stuff went down in Hannah's apartment. Some serious spiritual warefare - I'll admidt I got the heck out of Dodge! I went and spent the night at Jesse's. She's such a good friend - she had a bed all ready for me and we were able to talk and pray through it. Man it sucked and I just wish that kind of stuff didn't happen to me...but it does and I just have to deal. Other than that I got some bad news AJ's grandpa is dying of cancer - thats all I know! Man you know those times you just want to be there for someone and just hug them and sit with them - I feel like that for him! I can only image how he is feeling at the moment! So thats about it here - ohh so I saw teh movie envy with Ben Stiller and Jack Black - not so great! The music totally sucked and was hardcore annoying! I'm actually wishing Heather was here right now! I called her tonight in Auckland but alas she wasn't home - so sad!

Missy the Birthday Queen! 

Murphy and Me getting cheesy! 

Chillin with Murphy (I love that girl) and Hannah - or Hanniah as I like to call her! 

Hannah and I at Missy's bday party 

Hannah's Bday Cake - it was dyed red on the inside - my idea but Hannah's creation! 

Slipping

So last night I slept like crap! I feel bad becasue my blog has become moan fest! I don't know why I'm so pissy at the moment - I should be pmsing for like another week. Well things with Kristen are well kind of better - she's going to live with my mom. So thats better...then this morning I get a call from my mom right before chapel...my older sister, Shari, 24...has been digainosed with Thyroid cancer that has wrapped itself around her vocal cords. Yeah, so I'm honestly kind of numb at the moment. I just really don't know what to do - I've prayed a lot...She's got 3 kids and is a single mom. I know this sounds wrong but why does all of this happen to my family - is it that I'm more vocal about it? I guess I'm kind of angry at God - yet not angry - I don't know. I did on the brighter side finished my budget!!! Its about 450 over what I wanted it to be...sucky! But its done - I feel like a budget guru now!!! Now if I can stick to it!!!!! Its hard to change your spending habits! I still can't beleive I'm almost done...kinda scared. I mean FL is like my life for 2 years and is my job. I pray I can do this. I guess I feel kinda beat up at the moment - I don't know why..I'm praying more and spending more time with God...I don't even know how to explain it...even last night something way creepy happened to me. I was laying in bed - I will admidt it was the first night in a while I had not prayed and all the sudden I felt this hand on my shoulder and pulled my blanket tighter around my side.....wierd...I froze..blankets don't just move...presure just doesn't happen!!!! So I then prayed and prayed and prayed...have no idea what it was or anything all I know is this ...fear does not come from God and that God is love and that love drives fear away... It was not a good loving touch! It was a cold firm ...hey I'm here what are you goin do kind of move. Told my roommate and she handled it better...we're goin pray tonight.

Steven post tattoo...but well lets just say he's special!  

Tattooing Steven...it wasn't as painful as he makes it to look! 

Jesse and Me at the UT vs Notre Dame Game...there was over 100,000 people there - crazy! 

I'm not dead I swear

Hi, so its been awhile - no this blog is not dead - its alive and well. You know when your like ohh I'll update tommorrow - well I've been saying that for like the past month. So my past month ...so many highlights to mention -(I can't think of any at the moment). Oh well we had soccer regional - we made Steven shirts - Mine had mullet Steven! There were four of us - mullet. bald, cowboy, and mohawk Steven...what happens when I get a picture - it ends up on a teeshirt! That was a good day! Then we had a progressive dinner - where we went from house to house and ate a different part of a meal at each one - fun! Uhmm another highlight was Hannah'd birthday party. It was a surpise and had a pinyata - a bull! it was a themed coyboy party and was fun! I made a doughnut cake for it! It was so much fun! Then another Highlight has been living with Megan - ohh the cabin time we have had! I have laughed so much! I wonder if I can ever live with another person ever! She completes me! We had this improvto dance party where I tried to teach her my "move" and well it was funny! my sides hurt from laughing! It was great she has this bad Christian techno cd - joy electric! It is sooooo awesome - I love it! Heck I'm listen to it right now! "I get a sugar rush thinkin of you too much" so good! circle turn pump pump - thats my move - my secret is out! Uhmm then all teh quality time I've had with Jesse - she is amazing can I just say that. She is my best friend - for real! She give too much! and she's freakin funny to boot! ohh how I love my jessebelle! Uhmm then there was Fall retreat - where I was way crabby and pissy! Didn't want to be but was....It was good! Steven organized this prayer walk and that and the campfire after it were my favorite times of the weekend. Dang he is one gifted man! Uhmm and Josh farted on me - ohh I will fart back and it WILL rock him - it on and the gloves are off - no holding back! Then I've had some great convos with people - there is nothing in the world like a great convo - so satisfying! I've been kinda sick forever - my ears are clogged at the moment and it sucks hardcore - can'y hear! Uhmm then this past friday night I spent the night at Jesse's "flat" and then went to a UT football game - they played Notre Dame! I had soooooo much fun - it was crazy! over 100,000 people packed into an arena! I felt like I was in gladiator! I cheered and screamed and sang along with the masses! It was awesome. I'ma tad sunburned and tired but it was fun! Then I got home and my lil sister had emailed me and said that she got her papers served to her - its offical she's being charged with a felony for posession. It could be Juvenille hall for a year and get on her offical record. My mom has asked me to take her to Florida with me. I'm honestly torn on this issue and upset! I mean why aren't her parents stepping up and should I. I honestly feel like I should - but with being on support and can I...I mean I'm only 23 how can I raise my 15 yearold sister? I want to be honest but can I? Man I'm never going to meet someone. I prayed with Steven tonight and he asked me well wahts hold ing you back - and I told him that. I mean that is really an issue - is it selfish that I want a life. then I hear in the back of my head that its not my life to control! So confused about this! It breaks my heart!
So thats whats been goin on - with a lot more craziness between!

camping in the church and watching the Gremlins - with Dudley! 

The reason we are faithful fans - I mean who can resist a man who looks good with bald, sporting a mullet, a soccer hottie, a punkrock mohawk, and as a good olde cowboy! 

Faithful fans of the White Rose aka Steven Reed 

Hannah vanquishing her Bull 

Birthday me! Isn't this teh coolest picture ever! 

Auckland - where my heart is at this moment! 

Scattered

So yeah you know when God's starting to do something to your heart but you don't know what- yeah so thats me right now. I know God is trying to break down all the walls I've built up around myself. Hmmm I just wish I got it - I mean I am so dense sometimes. So yeah its hard right now --hard but in a really good way. My roommate Megan and Tara (who's basically a roommate) and I started to pray everynight at 11 - it was really good last night. Uhmm so yeah my body totally slept in today - now I get to work - yeahhh money! Then out withe the CSF house - even better! So I'll get some sweet as Jesse and Joshie time - ohh how I heart them.
Why does God put amazing people in ones life as I'm are leaving ---whyyyyyyy!!!!!!
Yesterday was a happy day - I laughed a lot!

What's goin on

I HAVE A JOB!!!!! I'm going to work for New Missions Systems International in their affiliation and support department - heck yes I'm excited. Ok so I'm glad to have a job but I'm mostly glad that I have the next step. I've been so confused about everything that I've not been really living my life. Ok so I'll do this for like the next 2 years and then reevaluate. Man I'm scared of failing - everyone keeps pointing out that the odds are against me - 10% only stay in ministry - 50% of all missionaries leave after their first term - I don't want this to be me. I want to press on! I am sad that I won't be doing campus ministry or youth ministry- they are my loves but maybe I can get involved in a church. Why won't my secret dream of being a minister's wife leave ---I can't bank on that - I have to have my own ministry---I'm single with no prospects and yet... Its way frustrating! God is really convicting me about my relationship - or lack there of with Him. How did I get this far away and how do I get back to Him. I realize that I crave Him and yet fill my time with distractions. Why and I so lazy and scared of Him? Makes one wonder!

So the intuder came back this weekend - these 2 girls chased him out of the dorms -- way brave of them. They are like way tiny girls too! Dave Legg came to the dorms last night to talked to us about it -- man that guy is awesome - I just see him and my heart melts --not in a bad way but he is so precious and well Dave...Oh to be a guy so I could be his bff (best friend forever)!

I've been listening to the funniest comedian Bryan Regan - so funny - I cried and snorted when I heard him! Also been burning Brooke Fraser for everyone - will spread the love of the kiwiness! My roomie and I have been hanging out a lot - man she's funny - can't think of anything at the moment. Ohh well we both aren't the smartest students but we learned our two minds together equal one smart person. So "cabin time" has been fun to say the least!

forgotten

Has you ever been forgotten somewhere - seriously left for hours until you call and remind them. Well that happened a lot growing up - I seemed to always be the kid in the family that got forgotten. I mean I never got in trouble and I tried not to be an inconvience - with 4 kids and only one mom you just kinda learn your place. Today however I was forgotten again - left to feel alone and misplaced. Its my birthday and yet again I was forgotten - not by close friends at the csf or even practical strangers but by my family. As my birthday draws to a close I find my self calling home to remind them - remember me but there is no answer this time. No I'll be there in 15 minutes instead there is a impersonable answering machine that beeps. I have no casue to complain I had a wonderful birthday picnic - the day has warm and beautiful and yet...It comes back to the fact I was forgotten by the ones that well...yeah.

Scary As

Hey so there is a guy getting into the girls dorm here at Johnson. It happened om Saturday night ---my neighbour was one of the people. He uncovered a girl while she was sleeping and then ran when she started screaming ----ok that wasn't my neighbour but still ---how scary is that --- It happened at least to every wing once. I never lock my door --well until now --now its always closed and locked. Like I try not to be scared but well who wouldn't be. I haven't told my mom --she would so freak. The dean is all liek there has been a "security breatch". So yeah uhmm sleep has been hard at night. Uhmm so yesterday I talked with New Missions Systems about affliating and they were all like just get your references in and you're in. Scary! I would work in the home office in Florida for a year at least --- doing PR work and leading short term missions trips. It could be really great. Its just hard to pin it down. I really wish I was going to New Zealand but I see that this isn't God's timing. I honestly keep hoping that I'll meet someone and we'll do ministry toegther --but it looks like I'm goin into this alone ---so scared about that too. This summer taught me how hard it is to do ministry alone and I'm honestly doubting if I can. I mean I know if God is with me I can but still...

wicked fun

So yeah a lot has happened since like wednesday ---ok not really. Well I went rafting on sat and it was freaking awesome. We had the coolest guide ever --this mountian man named Johnny. Ohhh the pictures are so sweet - our raft is like in the air ---its great. At one point he's all like I can't believe I'm doing this. Yeah so that was great. Then I got to drive home ---so tired --Had to sing to stay awake while everyone else slept ---pitty them --I'm not Whitney Houston thats for sure. I will admit I was cranky when I got home. I slept from 8pm till 9am the next day straight. Church was really good today ---Sam preached on bad days --something I really understand right now. Then was a free meal - subway - which one gots to love free food. I came home and slept more --see last night I had this dream I was back in Auckland. I was hanging out with Heather and everything is cool. Then it was like I was fighting something and I don't know what it was. I had to keep explaining to AJ that I was there for ministry and I was in a fight with him. The whole dream was just plain stressful --money wasn't working out in it and well nothing was working out. The best part of it was I got to see Heather - man I miss talking to her. I woke up even more confused and feeling crappy -- kinda started the day off on a bad note. I was in a bad mood all church and just kind of feeling alone --you know those days when you can't shake off the mood you woke in --it was one of them ---my response go to bed and start all over. I went to meet with Jondra (the missions prof's wife) and it went really well ---it was nice to be around people and just share. I definately feel lifted up by them. I'm goin meet with Jondra once a week --and I think I've figured out something to do longterm that just makes sense to me ---go with NMSI for a year and just grow spiritually ---maybe lead a trip --maybe not ---but grow then go out then. Frankly I have some issues I need to work out before I go out that I think NMSI would be good with --but who knows what tommorrow will bring.

Slow as

Yeah so work was slow as today...for real 3 customers from 7:45 - 11am. I did get to fold tees and cleaning tends to give me some great thinking time. i got to talk with this awesome woman I work with peggy about her Daughter that has this tumor on her spine ---its a hard situation for her but she has so much joy and peace (so great to see). Uhmm then I came home and napped. The hurricane has been dumping tons o rain here --Its like Auckland only warmer --I was like home what! Then was teh CSF --which kinda sucked --I hardcore disagreed with the minister on several points. But hey thats why what happen in the reformation --we were all given the right to personal interp of scripture. So yeah then I came home and chatted with the mom -- it was good. I asked her to try to visit me this semester - something I've never done before. It was a good talk - I really really miss my family - I regret not having much time with them this summer. I honestly haven't seen my mom more than a week total in 9 months now. I am really missing Ethan something fierce ---I talked to him on the phone. He wants to either be a dino or spiderman for halloween. I wonder how I will live so far away from him. Anyway, if they do come then they will stay for a weekend and it will be fun! Man I will be a scary mom one day! Pitty the man I will love with all my heart - for he knows not what he is getting himself into! So then I did homework - yes I do do homework.
I was ready something Jack Cottrell says and it hit me - this is about God - "The world is his garden. He planted it (creation), and he is lovingly tending it as it grows (providence). He holds it in the hollow of his hand. I don't know why but this impacted me. I guess even though I am totally scatterbrained and lost at the moment - God still has a plan and is lovingly tending me as I grow --I am in the hollow of his hand at this very moment!

Mornin Readin

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest." - Galatians 6:9
This was my morning nugget of gold- funny how God gives you encouragment just when you need it - or gives you the what up. Well off to work - gots to be there by 7:45am - YEAH that AM!!!!

Thundercats

Whoaaahhh...sorry been jammin to some sweet as Relient K - man they never get old - me and the roommate love ehm! So yeah work was actually not bad --this dude that always hit on me is working there again --man I get uncomfortable - I don't know what to do! I came home and wrote this short novel to my small group - went to email it and lost the whole thing -ahhhhh. I took a nice long hot shower ---I have a shower radio and the soft rock and pop stations come in perfect - so I flip between the two depending on my mood. Last night was pop ---boodylycious was on and man I'm glad the roommate was gone for that singing adventure - I am no black woman thats for sure. I cleaned the trash pit of a room which wasn't all that trashy after all. The RA gave us a gold star for cleanliness - we had the cleanest room! Uhmm yeah did some random emailing - ohh got the fraggle rock theme in French ---its the funniest/creepiest thing I've ever heard ---listening to it now actually - c'est ce Fraggle Rock!
Been thinking about a lot in life lately ---wonder how God is going to make all of this work out. Its kinda exciting. I hate it how say something then it comes back and it true ---Like I said to Kelly one day about the man I'll marry ---"You know the exciting thing is even if it doesn't work him I know that God has someone even better for me --which gets me excited becasue he's pretty much incredible." I said that a while ago - you know when things come back --its like ohhh ...thats also how I feel about my future - I need to totally give up my control on it and not worry about tommorrow - I know that if NZ or England or Spain doesn't work out then God ahs something better for me - something that completes me better --somewhere he needs me more.
Random Quotes of the day: "I'm just hitting snooze my Biological clock" - Me and "He is my dam boyfriend" - Jesse and "Lets just keep the curses and cursed objects to my side of the room" - Megan. "Maybe you'll fly of the Bull and land on him" - Jesse

Boomsday family fun

So, on Sat I was in charge of the CSF's boomsday things - went well except I left someone behind - man I felt like crud. I got into walk fast mode and didn't look back - hmm wonder if this applies to more than one area of my life. The fireworks were so cool - it was fun. Then we watched Can't Hardly wait - one of my all time fav movies - so funny - man I love Seth Green. I also got some Sweet Jesse time - dang that girl is amazing - such an amazing servant! I also got to cuddle with her kitty - dudley - aka one of the coolest cats ever - so funny! I was so tired I fell asleep in like 2 mins and missed out on any cabin time. Then church was amazing great - my favorite prof preached - about true spirituality and well I needed to hear that. I made the lunch afterwards - man I love doing that kind of stuff. Everyone's parents were out visiting - so fun. Steven's parents were there - such fun people - his dad Buddy is a great man and his mom Sally is the sweet person ever. I think its so fun to see where people came from...it explains a lot about them. Well other than that not much going on - going white water rafting next sat - so excited - I don't have a swimsuit - I actually lost it. So yeah thats about it here - My room is trashed at the moment and I have to work nine hours tommorrow. Oh my painting is actually really cool - man it helped my mood. I need to turn off the depressing music but I can't - I love it! No really the Garden State soundtract is awesome just like the movie! Best get a cleanin and need to spend some time thinkin and praying about England. Oh so like all my friends randomly have emailed from NZ and it tugs at my heart. Man!!!

Truth and Purity

I realize that the Bible says the truth will set you free but I guess I learning more about truth at the moment. Man all I feel like I do is whine lately...I'm not trying to...Life just keeps bring one thing after another after another. I was well given some crappy news today that made me both angry and embaressed at the same time. I just wanted to scream and yell - it was my right not o tell about something - If I had wanted it known I would have told it myself. I was embaressed becasue it was of personal nature that is a side of me that I don't have the greatest confidence in. I was hurt in the fact that I never got to explain myself - or my feelings - someone took that away from me - now they will never be truely understood. So on Monday on the way home from work I was chattin it up with God while I was driving and I asked God to smack me in face with wither or not he wanted me in New Zealand. So yeah uhmm I am taking this all as a NZ is a no go for the moment - which is nice but sucky to know. I mean I love it dearly but at this moment and I realize that this is the hurt speaking it is the last place I want to be at the moment - nice change because it has been the only place I wanted to be for quite some time. I don't know if I'm over reacting or over anylazing everything like I tend to do. I got to call my Best friend Kelly from home and just just let me weep and she even cried right along with me - man God has blessed me with amazing an woman. It was freeing to just let it go - didn't think I was as hurt as I was - funny what happens when you let yourself just feel what happens. i went out to dinner with Hannah and Missy - felt bad cause I was poor company. I even went to the soccer game to cheer on Steven- and yet again I was poor company. Went to walmart and bought a beautiful canvas to poor my feelings onto - man I'll create some crappy art tonight :) I don't know why but being creative sooths my feelings. In NZ when everything was crap with Carrie I was able to make these scroll things and posters for girls night - man it felt good. Something about just letting myself go and just expressing is well...purifing to me.

England

Well today was a good day - classes were good - I learned about the danger of being too open and vunernable with my congreation. It was neat becasue I have wrestled with that concept. Then we discussed the attrubutes of God and it was well...powerful. So excited for Tommy to preach at the CSF house on Sunday. Then I learned about the urban poor in mexico city - hard core dude hardcore! Homeless children rip my heart out - I'mlike I'll take them all and love them please! Then I met with CMF about future missions ideas and one came up - it is starting a campus ministry in England - and maybe doing some youth ministry work with an organization that partners with CIY - I mean they are both things very close to my heart its just hard because well - its not New Zealand. Not that I can only work there it just I seemed to have left my heart there and I can't move past it so much. I'm sitting here drinking my L&P the sweet nector of God himself - sweet heavens I only have 5 cans left what will I do. I gaze loveling at my bunderburg ginger beer (nonalcholic) and want it but realize its all I have in the world! So yeah I'm full drama. Today was a good day all in all. OH I AM GETTING CREDIT FOR MY INTERNSHIP- Yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So yeah thats about it here - tommorrow is work and the guys first soccer game - go Stevers! So yeah its good and happy aniversery out to Jesse and Josh - three years - dang and thats just dating! You both amaze me with your love! Such good friends the Lord has truely blessed me with this past year - so excited about slumber party on Sat night (I'll bring my NZ mud mask)

bitten

Yeah my ankles are covered with bites from some unknown insect from cleaning trash up at UT. They ich like mad and are driving me insane!!!!!! So yeah not much is going on here. I'm waiting to see if I got credit for New Zealand still - I should find out tommorrow - so scared by the way. The best news is that I got to wear my vote for Pedro shirt today - ok so 1 person got it - well it wasn't about them. Then this girl - ok she's evenan RA - man she was a huge jerk and was all like I heard that movie's stuipd and only guys think its funny. I was all like well call me a guy casue it was freakin halarious. Yeah well stupid thing to get mad at but here at JBC you would think people would be less high school but they aren't - I actually think it's worse in some ways. I signed up to chat with 2 missions agencies tommorrow - kinda nervous. My deadline for church is in a month! I get so sick to my stomach whenever I think about it. After NZ I just realized that I want to be a partner in ministry - to work along sides someone closely - but alas currently no one is interested (the story of my life) also i realized that yet again another Birthday draws closer and I still have not had a first date or relationship - I guess I'm having an emotional day today sorry . It just honestly makes me feel like..unwanted and wonder what is wrong with me. My roommate was like you intimate men - I know she mean well but still...I can't help being me. I guess I'm still getting comfortable in my own skin and it effects all the other areas of my life.

freak yeah

So yeah everyone needs to see Napoleon Dynomite ---so great I kept thinking about it and laughing hardcore. Its totally sweet as for real! Uhmm so church was good today ---I got my couch in my room --its so comfy and fun!!!! I also gotto talk to my great friend LeLyne - man I've missed her - i got to hear all about her wedding and just chat with her - ok so it was like 3 hours long but it was needed! It was great to talk through things and just catch up on each others lives - she was kinda my accountabilty partner last semester. I'm actually living in her old room - which is wierd. Man its great to have the couch ---it makes the room more ...friendly and open! Man I love it! So I think I need to cut back on hours at work I worked out my days...
Monday work 8 hours...Tuesday 4 classes then teaching Foriegners kids reading...Wedneday I work 6 hours then I have Bible study Thursaday I have 4 classes then I do some innercity work then Friday i work 5-8 hours and if I can go out then Sat work 8 hours Sunday I have church then accountablity day then church again....man how have I over booked myself in a week. I feel bad cause I need the money for working that much and I need Christian service hours...and I love church things. So study time soesn't fit in so well....goin have to take a day off work. I'm thinking Wednesday or friday...I am leaning toward fridays. Imagne no classes no work freak yeah this could be a great day.

It has begun

....work has begun. I now am offically a cashier at Khol's department store. Man I love/hate this job - is it wrong that I find joy in making some customers mad - like the ones that are jerky to me. I mean people are so jerky to me - they blame me for a) them having no money b) Khols policies c) the bad economy. I do however love working off campus and the people I work with are so great. Is it wrong that some of them were more interested in my internship than people at JBC? The only bad thing is that I work like 25 hours this next week- ahhhhhhh!

So yesterday was soo much fun! I went to the barn dance - which was so fun! I danced with Steven and Josh! Me and Josh can't dance together - mostly it was me that was the problem. I told them to knock me around till I followed their lead. Then we went to see Napoleon Dynomite - for real one of the funniest movies I have ever seen - gosh I laughed hard - all day I'll think of something and it cracks me up! Then I had to do a walmart run then came home. I was a bit pissed off about some comments that were made and vented to Missy - who as always helped me see the errors of my ways/aditude. I called Matt and Steven to apolgize - Steven and I ended up talking for 2 hours - it was really good. I really appreciate his friendship. I know I can trust him and I pray that he feels the same way about me. I am so glad I know where I stand with him - we are just friends and its totally cool! It's great casue there is no arkward tension or crap - we can be ourselves and its refreshing. God really speaks through that man and his transparency. He challenges me all the time.

Ohh so it was a good non-missing New Zealand day - I didn't cry about it all day! It was on my heart but I find the more I get into life here the easier it becomes. I am finding community in the CSF that is beautiful. I wonder why God has blessed me so much sometimes - I mean I'm a no one and yet he has loved me so much- it boggles my mind. I look at Jesse and wonder how I ever lived without her friendship.

I had a good talk with Martha and we discussed some hard truths. My heart hurts for her and what all she has gone through. Her ex is a bastard and a half and I wish I were a man casue I would for kick his ass and then do it again! Sorry guys that do things like that girls should be ....man it was hard to listen to especially with everything that has happened to me in my life. Anyway it was a good talk - we both were able to forgive and agree to work slowly at a friendship. Honestly I barely see my roommate at this point - i wonder when I'll see anyone! I just feel like God is beginning something in my heart and I just have to keep striving after him to find it. I just keep thinking about finding so much joy ministering with someone else - completeing someone's minstry and wondering if I'll ever get to do that again...

Rise and Shine

So today is going to be a good day! I woke up butt early to go to bfast with a friend, Cyn Bin - I'm in this give everyone wierd nicknames stage right now. I'm jammin to Nickel Creek at th moment and thankin God to be alive. AJ sent me a copy of his sermon and it was totally sweet as - it really hit me hard in a lot of ways - I think I'll do my devos from it all week! In it he asked this question - How available am i to the people in my little world? Do I let people know I care for them? Am I getting better at listening and not judging? Yeah uhmm very convicting!

I went in to work and I got my schedule and I work 12 hours in the next 2 days - so much! I am glad to have the work and the pay it will bring! I met with the registar about my internship counting and it has to be a committee descision so I have this form to fill out...its outta my hands and in God's - I just have to let go and pray. Tonight is the barn dance at church - so excited! I gots my cute cowgirl shirt and hair in pigtails, on already. I get a pic casue I look cute if I can say!

almost complete

I've almost finished my scrapbook of this summer - Looking at it is hard because it doesn't seem to do it justice. I guess the reality of 11 weeks counting for no credit has me a bit blue to be honest. I've been having a harder time adjusting to returning than I though possible. This girl here was like my best friend last year - I mean we did everything together. Well it went sour and she decided she didn't like me so much anymore. Well we are now talking again - I mean I've missed her but I'm not sure about the whole thing. I mean I forgive her and hope that she can forgive me for what all happened but I guess it drags up some old pains that cut me really deep. She really really hurt me when she made her decision - Now I don't even know what to do about the whole thing - how do I handle this situation like a mature Christian woman. I feel like I can't be feeling this way - I'm supposed to be the strong one - I'm the one who has to lead when in truth I want to do anything but lead at the moment -I want to give up and run away. I guess this days stress is really getting to me. On the good news side I got my job back - Praise God from whom all blessings flow! God has given me such amazing friends here that totally back me up on things. God has provided me a way to be here. God gave me an incredible summer in New Zealand. God has given me this beautiful computer to use. God has given me health. God has given me a loving (for the most part) family, God has given me my dashing good looks, He has blessed me with so much - I am so thankful! He has and is good and I just need to ride this wave of bad junk out.

shocker of the day (or at least so far)

So yet another drama in my life is that my internship may not count for any credit - which means I have to do it all over again somewhere. It is really all my fault - well and my profs - we didn't turn in registration of the credit - so I have to fight to have it count. Oh and fight I will do. If it doesn't count I'm not sure what I will do - I am thinking I can work a day a week here in Knoxville with an innercity ministry intern then if I go back to New Zealand having that count as like 1-2 credits - this could work! Man I suck at this whole responsiblity thing -I'm goin make a sucky adult one day.

Fresh beginnings

So, I'm finally back at school.
10 hours of driving
3 construation zones - once I went 9 miles in 50 mins -ahhhh
80 miles per hour
2 stops for petrol
1 hour spent waiting for the locksmith to open my car door in Nashville
10 cds
1 bottle of Mountian Dew
3 hours of jammin to soft rock later....
and I pull up on campus
Yeah so I definately cried at the gas station about my keys - I looked at the attendant and I was started ballin to this old southern woman - its just flowed out of me. All I wanted in the world was my mom to make everything better.
Then church was awesome on Sunday - I was walked in late (of course) and Steven who's leading worship gets this grin on his face and I'm think yeah people missed me! It was so good to be around all my CSF buddies- it made my heart happier than its been in a long while. Then yeah it was fun! Then I started to move in - its like 95 degrees here and the elevator is busted - I live on the third floor. Yeah uhmm so I almost died - I hate being hot and man was I hot! Then was prayer service at church and it went soo very well! Then I wnet to Jesse's apartment and got to play with her kitty Dudley. Its a black cat - sooo cute. I'm so excited that she's goin be my accountablity partner - can I just say that! Then was the walmart trip where I sent too much and didn't get half the stuff I need. Man moving in is expensive. Good news I got my new computer and its glorious! Will find someone with a dig camera. Uhm yeah so today I think I got my job back and I just have been seeing people. Also listening to the freshman and trying to be supportive - man its draining! They latch on to you for dear life! Its sad but ...what else can I do?

Questions

Question: How do some people in life have the ablilty to make one go from totally calm and peaceful to supper uhmmm well bitch in 0.2 seconds. You go from dwelling on your morning devo to yelling mean horrible things at another human being because well ...one can't totally blame the other person ---after all I am chose to yell right back aren't I. Darn my hot headed nature - People say its a red head thing - I say it's a self control thing. I can take and take and take but there is this point a fine point and then it's all like hell hath no fury like me. Man its one side of me that I hope changes with age and with the grace of God!

naked

So yeah I've gotten so much good news lately. First my church loved my presentation of my internship to New Zealand - Praise Yahweh for that one! Then they told me that once I fill in my forms I will be getting a scholarship for $2,ooo yeah - with that and my grant and a bit of my student loans school will be paid for for the rest of my life. well or until grad school which I'm thinking about after I pay off my current student loans! They want me to keep them posted on any potiential long term interests - my heart and mind scream ohh I'll be going to New Zealand no problem but I have to wait!

Last night I had the most awesome dream ever - I dreamt that all my friends gave money and sent me to New Zealand for New Years for a month - it was cool! They were all like this is your dream and your passion - go seek and search and see where God leads you. it was the most comforting dream ever! Man the only thing I woke up thinking yeah I get to go to wait...it was just a dream - never mind.

Right now I'm going through all my clothes and taking out things I haven't worn for years or that are a bit tight and either giving them away, selling them or donating them. I have collected too many clothes for real! I will admit it I have a shopping problem - I like new things and I new throw anything out - man I will be the scary old cat lady with tons of old newpapers - ahhhhh! ohh my lil sister's cat isn't a he its a she - its name is Carmen - I wanted Sasha personally. No I went threw the pit of dispair aka my walk in closet and went through old boxes . Yeah basically a whole lot of sentimental junk that I can't keep forever and need to go through. I also realized that for some one who doesn't have any future plans I now have: a smoothie maker (I will forwith call it my crome god), double toaster, fine china that was my great-grandmothers; pots and pans; dishes; silverwear; mixing bowls; a table runner from spain; 3 twin quilts and One queen quilt - man I even have a pasta pot! Its all just sitting in my closet! Hmm...I sure hope I can get it wherever I end up - also what in the world is a pasta pot and why did my mom buy me one?!
Ohh so today Ethan and I played outside in the hose - well I watered the plants and him! Basically he ran around the front yard naked screaming you can't get me---ohh I got him! I am teaching him to sing I'm a maniac maniac maniac thats for sure and dance when I hose him off. Its like my very own lil skinny Chris Farley! Tommorrow is date day - I'm taking him to the pool and then to lunch - then huge nap for both of us!

I am the luckiest

I am luckiest to have been able to spend this past summer in Auckland, New Zealand. For real, it amazes me that God blessed with being able to live there for 11 weeks of my life. I keep expecting to stop missing it with all my heart or to be able to move on - maybe I;m just really way too hard on myself or I'm being an emotional girl but my heart breaks with the realization that I may not ever be able to go back. I got to talk to AJ today and wish him a happy birthday which was wonderful and I'm so glad I got to wish him it. On the other hand I'm sittting here filling out forms evaluating my summer I find myself tearing up and fighting tears. In so many ways I failed this summer - my pride and ego got in the way but in so many ways this summer with Carrie. Its not really her or my Japanese or Chinese friends I miss so much - I do but its livable. I miss my small group and the community that we shared. I miss talking with AJ for hours on end about well everything under the sun but especially about his ministries. I miss Jeremy just making me smile for being well Jeremy. I miss Nick's hug bear hugs. I miss being amazed by Janelle everytime she opened her mouth and spoke. I miss Gram's openness and friendliness. I miss Brad being freakin halarious. I miss talking to Frances and leaving wanting more time with her. I miss hundling in a courner with Heather and talking for hours (and singing soft rock to each other). I miss Ken being well Ken - ohh yeah and listening to John Ruben. I miss craig's sassyness! I miss seeing Fiona and Jay mock each other in Africans. I miss Megans way of making me feel beautiful. I miss Francine's way funny humor! I miss Amy's insights on everything. I miss stephanies laugh. I miss Ruth's mothering - ohh and cooking! I miss Kirsty's asking if anyone wants a hot drink! I miss the Mr. Happy mug- man its cool. I miss the fight for leather. I miss snuggling with a warm blanket with whoever is next to me. I miss everyone picking on Jeremy. I miss the utter chaos that the beginning of a meeting is because we all have so much to say to each other. I miss being loved for who I am. I miss listening to people talk about what the Bible is saying to them. I miss AJ's stare when no one is answering a question. I miss coming as an individual and leaving as a piece of a whole. So yeah you could say I miss small group - lets admitt it it is my home group in more ways than one. I sit here and have wondered for the past 3 week if I will ever be able find that kind of community again. I hope so becasue now that I've had a taste for it I don't think I could ever settle for anything less. I know I will through all this homesickness - thats what it is. I know that in a month I'll be so wrapped up in school and CSF that the emptyness won't be as great. I know all the things - it just that in some ways I don't want to "get over" New Zealand. I don't want to get over how much it means to me. I don't want to forget. I don't want to leave it behind me - I want to take it will me and have it grow with me.

Randomness

So basically not much has been happening on this front. I've been staying up way too late and waking up way too early. On Friday I ran errands all day - I got a new license - My pictures actually quite good (its the cute short hair). I also went out to eat with Jon and Ginny Durr (My mentor and her husband) who bless their hearts are trying to find me a ministry. They introduced me to this 80 year old missionary from Honduras. Jon tried to get me to consider going into nursing and then missions - me a nurse hahahahah. It actually was a pleasant night and I enjoyed myself - it was nice to be around a woman who had been doing fulltime ministry overseas for 60 years! Then I went out with Kelly and the guys to this cool old movie house in the city and saw the stupidest movie, The dark crystal, I love 80s movies but I did not love this one! Then Yesterday I babysat the twins aka the best birth control known to man --man those 2 are work. Izzy (Isabella) just never stops crying --Kristen and I were like why are we babysitting again? Finally I got out of the house and went shopping to Walmart to get supplies to create my report about what all happened in NZ to present before the Missions committee at my church. It I has to say turned out looking really good! I ended up staying the night at Kelly's and staying up to 2:3am playing Life with Kelly's lil sis Jill. Man I love the game of Life - I'm a sucker for it anytime!

Kelly's car's stereo is broken so we have taken to busting out songs when we want music. It's actually quite fun and I'm lovin it. Last night we sang our favorite Hymns - my fav for the moment is Take my life and Let it Be:

Take my life, and let it be consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days; let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands, and let them move at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet, and let them be swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice, and let me sing always, only, for my King.
Take my lips, and let them be filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold; not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect, and use every power as Thou shalt choose.

Take my will, and make it Thine; it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart, it is Thine own; it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord, I pour at Thy feet its treasure store.
Take myself, and I will be ever, only, all for Thee.

Sometime I find songs that really speak and minister to my spirit. This hymn is doing this at the moment. God is just really working at me giving everything to Him. I can't do ministry fulltime unless I do.

Time is moving

So I got to talk to Heather and AJ last night...man I got off the phone at 4am here - dang gina I was tired! It was so good for my heart to talk to them though. It was awesome to hear some kiwi accents -- its getting hard to understand again and there was a delay that was from the devil. Uhmm today I slept in till hmm...12 noonish and them hung out with the fam all day. Ethan stayed home from daycare so we played all day --do you think anyone will notice a 3 year old living in my dorm room? we washed my car --which was way fun and outta control. He was so cute and kept saying I'm your helper Corey see I'm helping (I just let him go hog wild with the hose) Then when I was washing the tires he said he was done and I look up to see his bare bum streak across the front yard. I say to him no getting naked in the front yard. Yeah I love that Kid. Then we watched the Lion King and played aroung (mainly me chasing him and him yelling at the top of his lungs) finally dinner then a walk around the lake with him, my mom, boomer (my black lab) and me...Ethan carried his flash light to protect us from the dinos in the forest - thats what he told us anyway. So yeah it was a great family day. I looked up some missions agencies today and asked for information but nothing feels right so far. I wish I had a vision or a plan --I hate not having plans --I love making plans and figuring out details. Man it hard to just see what happens and attempt to "wait patiently upon the Lord".

Smooth move

So yeah today was yet another lazy summer day...butt hot - gross. I was thinking I want to cut my hair off and I did...its so short! I will put a picture up as soon as I get a dig pic of it. Uhmm my lil sister got the cutest kitten...its gray and a boy and has no name yet. I love him and want him to be mine forever! I don't want to be the creppy old maid with 15 cats though - one of my biggest fears in life. O h my hair is so cute - so excited. You know when you have these days when you feel ugly and unattractive --its bad but the haircut helped end that feeling. I also picked up my car...my car...my beautiful car...mine...all mine - it was a glorious reunion. Then all I've done is sort out my email and figure out mu to do list for the week --my life is so fun! ohh I did see 50 first dates ---so great...But it puts one into the gushy romantic mood and since I've no plausible prospects its effect turns more depressive than romantic. Then on starts to over analyze everything and its a down hill battle after that --so excited for school to start so life and ministry starts back up. ohh I may get my job at khols back -- so happy! It is off campus and I can be around non-Christians again. Not that I don't like Christians but non-Christians are so....Refreshing and real. I really want my job back! I can be a sassy cashier with cute as hair! well that's about it here on this front. I'm just prayin and trying to figure out what I'll be doin after I graduate...so scary. That's a whole other blog all together!

AJ (a great bro from NZ) and me at my going away party. This is pre super cute hair cut Corey 

New Beginnings

So I decided to start a new blog because well... I wanted too isn't that reason enough really. I decided that want an online journal so that not only I have a record of thing sthat have happened in my life also so that friends far away can know too. I wish I was all compture smart becasue I'd post pictures and do cool things but hmmm...I don't know so we just don't know what we're missing. Today I got back from my really good friend Amanda's wedding. This is my first really good friend to get married. It was surpising easy --like it was the natural thing for them to be doing. I was so happy for them ---it was a beautiful wedding and they had one hot flower girl (me). The wedding also gave me good quality friend time. God totaly blessed me with amazing wise friends. They listened to me go on and on and on about NZ. They listen to be whine about not being there and then listened when later when I would whine about not being there some more. It was wierd by the end of the week with them I wasn't whining anymore I was trying to treasure every moment I had with them while I could. Ashley is well amazing. She's the baby of all of us and you'd never know it. She is first off way hot ut she's so much more than that. SH eis passionate and caring. She truely loves people and will listen to a person as long as it takes. She is smarter than anyone I know and has a true passion for learning. She brings me closer to God through our friendship. Then there is Beth - bevo. She is also totally hot -- but in more of a sultry jazz kinda of way. Beth is interesting --you can't read her so much. She surpises me everytime I'm around her. She loves people too but in a different way from Ashley --she wants to be a counsler and will be an increadible one --she is so honest and upfront with people - not in a mean way but in a loving we're goin work on this kinda of way. Beth challenges my ways of doing things and makes me really do things out of my love of God. Oh yeah and she is butt funny -- for real the funniest people I know. Then there is Amanda - The striking beautiful one...the married one. Amanda is honestly one of the kindest most gentle people I have every known in my life. She would give everything she has away to someone in need with out thinking twice. She is smarter than all get out and just understands things. Her amazing love of people is shown through her serving them. She is one heck of a servant. Amanda brings me closer to God by teaching how to serve others and how to be humble. Basically, God has put these utterly amazing women in my life and has taught me so much through them. I wonder when I'm around them what I ever did to deserve their friendship and how I could ever fit in such a group. Today is the last time in at least a year that I'll see them. Ashley leaves for Swizterland for year in 2 weeks and Amanda moved back to OR. Beth is still living in KS and I'll be in TN. So yeah its been a emotionally rough day but a good day. I have this feeling that no matter what happens we willl still be friends through the years.

Japanese students and me at K2: my classroon, a Japanese bookstore, and Japanese Church. 

Yoshi and and the eel 

Bori, Kazu, and me. Two of my Japanese students I worked with in New Zealand