So its been a busy few days...It's been a good few days. My church has decided to totally support me - which is nice - i can't believe I'm at full support - it amazes me! I've been having such great roommate time - its going to be so hard to leave her! How can one person be so amazing - for real! Can life get any better -I submit it can not! So I did a ministry on Sat night from 11-3am called Lost Sheep where I served hot dogs to clubbers in the Old City. My Roommie and I were there togther which was fun for us. I get into this mode there - Like girl next store wholesome cuteness mode - ask her she understands...well there was this one guy I talked to - he was so hott! He ended up coming back to see me 3 times! I'm not used to that - I tend to like guys that never like me in that way - so when actually hits on me I am a)scared b)clueless c)still liking that guy that never will see how wonderful I am! Megan was like nooo why does she get the hot guy!!! I was like ohh godd you noticed that too - I was confused - it made me blush - I had no idea what to do! Church on Sunday was really good - I was tired and felt rushed. I ended up crying durring ohh come all ye faithful - I can't believe I'm done at the CSF - It makes mt heart hurt! They raised like 500 dollars for me - which is amazing and takes my breath away! I really love them all - so very much. I really don't want to leave them...it makes me cry everytime I think about it (like now) So yeah I get home and walk in the door and see my roommate and just cry --Let it all out --- felt good! She's so great! I took a nap I was too tired and emotional! I then went to Jondras for the evening - I really love her so very much. She was so cute and we just talked and prayed all might - it was good for us! I came home and made a run to Wendy's with Megan - ohh how I lobe her! I woke up and went to get lyrics for this song and got 57 viruses on my computer - which sucked hardcore. I only wrote 2 pages all day on my paper which is due in the afternoon. I then got ready - way too long for this "you look nice" I looked freakin hot! I must say! The banquet was good - best one I've been to. Steven and I went out for coffee afterwards - so that was fun. So here is one of those time in a blog when one gets really personal just becasue well ...I need to express it. I think only like 2 people actually read this and well I've already told them so no biggie - whoever else reads this - well this is how feel and well deal. So I told him I like him - took major balls on my half might I add - there is a reason girls don't do that! All he said back was I know. I KNOW!! what is that - I know! no closeure at all with that one! At least with AJ he was out front honest - I don't like you and never have! I'm not mad! I'm just confused - I know he must not like me- I just don't want his pity! I mean I know I'm not the picture perfect girl -I'm a lil fat and have lots of sass! You know I know already! I know I 've never had a boyfriend - heck I've never had a guy even say he likes me - ever! I know these things! You want to know what - I want to know - I want to know I want to know for how long has he known? I want to know why call me and talk for hours? I want to know what he thinks of me - am I an obsessive idiot or a dear friend or a silly mislead girl? I want to know that! I want to know why I can't cry when I want to about this! I want to know why yet again I'm not good enough and why? I'm not mad at him - I'm really not! I just want more than I know! Do I know and I have felt something too? I'm a girl I'm going to overanylze a statement like I know! well...what else can I say - yet again I'm the dumber for having liked and cared for a guy who - well by saying "I know" and nothing else doesn't like me back. Its not the pity I want - can I say that again - I don't have extremely low self eesteem - don't think that - it just times like this that knock a dent into me! I want to say I won't do it again - I won't care - I won't give - I'll guard myself better - but we all know I'd be lying - don't we! Ughh well I'm just goin stop - I can't spend anymore time on this - its a) not worth it adn b) I have too much to do!
1 comment:
well, you dont have to worry about being alone corey. i can promise you everyone has felt like this at one time or another. it's always a tough thing to understand, why someone doesnt like you. it'll work out though. God wont forget about you. He'll provide. just know that you're loved and you'll get through anything. (as long as you dont become some man-hater or something :) ).
see you soon.
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